AwareNow: Issue 37: 'The Women Edition'

AWARENOW

THE AWARENESS TIES™ OFFICIAL MAGAZINE FOR CAUSES

TORREY DEVITTO

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW ‘THE LIGHT WITHIN’

AJ ANDREWS

‘DEAR BROWN SKIN GIRL’

GABRIELLE BOURNE

‘MACK OF ALL TRADES’

BETH BOWEN

‘YOUR CANVAS’

OLIVIA JENNY

‘ABSENCE’

AALIA LANIUS

‘DIVERSITY IS EVERYTHING’

DIANE JOHNSON

‘THE STIGMA BOOK’

SHAHRNAZ NANCY SOUTHWICK

‘LOVE OVER FEAR’ W/RAIN PHOENIX

ELIZABETH & ISABELLA BLAKE-THOMAS

‘LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER’

THE WOMEN EDITION

RIGHT TO REMAIN DEFIANT

THE WOMEN EDITION

AwareNow™ is a monthly publication produced by Awareness Ties™ in partnership with Issuu™. Awareness Ties™ is the ‘Official Symbol of Support for Causes’. Our mission is to support causes by elevating awareness and providing sustainable resources for positive social impact. Through our AwareNow Magazine, Podcast & Talk Show, we raise awareness for causes and support for nonprofits one story at a time.

LOVE OVER FEAR W/RAIN PHOENIX SHAHRNAZ NANCY SOUTHWICK

DEAR BROWN SKIN GIRL AJ ANDREWS

THE LIGHT WITHIN TORREY DEVITTO ABSENCE OLIVIA JENNY

THE ABC’S OF LIFE THI NGUYEN

JE SUIS FATIGUE ALLIÉ MCGUIRE

MACK OF ALL TRADES GABRIELLE BOURNE

WOMEN IN WAR LORI BUTIERRIES

YOUR CANVAS BETH BOWEN

BRAIN INJURY 101 PAUL S. ROGERS

MY BETTER HALF BURT KEMPNER

GLORIA EDDIE DONALDSON

THE STIGMA BOOK DIANE JOHNSON

LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER ELIZABETH & ISABELLA BLAKE-THOMAS

MY KISS ARIYA/JACK MCGUIRE

DREAM WITHIN A DREAM THERESA CHEUNG

NOT LISTENING TO SCOTT TORRENS TODD BROWN

TRAUMA IS NOT DESTINY DR. PAMELA CANTOR/SONJA MONTIEL

WE ARE ALL DAYDREAMERS ELIZABETH BLAKE-THOMAS

“What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.”

Jane Goodall

In the pages of ‘The Women Edition’, find healing for past traumas and hope for future triumphs.

May these stories ignite passion and instill purpose, echoing the longing for the strength and unity of our shared humanity. As we celebrate the women seen and heard here, look around you. See the brilliance and beauty of the women in your own life.

In this issue, we also look beyond gender to specific causes recognized this month. In addition to Women’s History, March is the Official Awareness Month for the following: Brain Injury, Cerebral Palsy, and Multiple Sclerosis. To all those battling invisible disabilities, you are not at war alone. We see you.

ALLIÉ McGUIRE

Editor In Chief of AwareNow, CEO & Co-Founder of Awareness Ties

Allié started her career in performance poetry, then switched gears to wine where she made a name for herself as an online wine personality and content producer. She then focused on content production under her own label The Allié Way™ before marrying the love of her life, Jack, and switching gears yet again to a pursue a higher calling to raise awareness and funds for causes with Awareness Ties™.

Production Manager of AwareNow, President & Co-Founder of Awareness Ties

Jack got his start in the Navy before his acting and modeling career. Jack then got into hospitality, focusing on excellence in service and efficiency in operations and management. After establishing himself with years of experience in the F&B industry, he sought to establish something different… something that would allow him to serve others in a greater way. With his wife, Allié, Awareness Ties™ was born.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in AwareNow are those of independent authors and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of Awareness Ties. Any content provided by our columnists or interviewees is of their opinion and not intended to malign any religion, ethnic group, political group, organization, company, or individual. In fact, its intent is not to vilify anyone or anything. Its objective is to make you think.

www.IamAwareNow.com

@AWARENESSTIES @AWARENESSTIES @AWARENESSTIES

It is my aspiration that all of us on the world stage can learn to see each other truly in our shared humanity that love will triumph over fear and tyranny.

SHAHRNAZ NANCY SOUTHWICK WRITER, PRODUCER & CULTURAL CREATIVE

LOVE OVER FEAR EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH SHAHRNAZ NANCY SOUTHWICK

What follows is the personal story of Shahrnaz Nancy Southwick, along with the an exclusive interview by Rain Phoenix, founder of LaunchLeft. For the truths spoken here, we are honored to share these words with the world to raise awareness and support for needed change in Iran and in all regions where human rights need to be protected.

I left Iran in 1979 when the Revolution began.

I was three years old. My parents had luckily bought a summer house in Würzburg Germany prior to the revolution in this little Bavarian town. The University there is credited to have had invented the X-ray, an interesting group of intellectuals and academics, artists, musicians and bright thinkers thrived there.

We left Iran quickly as things were quickly going from bad to worse. My family and friends were terri fied to leave the house — bombings, riots and fires were happening all around the cities as they were becoming war zones. It was quite clear that we could not live there that we had to leave immediately. We surely would return within a few months, at most maybe six to eight. My mom threw sheets over our furniture as we packed and told me I could only take the

Needless to say we never went back to live. Within a mere few months our country and its standing in the world stage had been demolished.

The west has such a short memory. It forgets that Iran in the 70’s was the most beautiful stylish and fashionable place to visit. Andy Warhol and Elizabeth Taylor would be hosted by the Iranian royals and court elite. Frank Sinatra and Orson Wells would travel the Caspian Sea, living it up enjoying the hospitality of the opulent Iranian palaces, devouring our ancient traditions of food, wine, music and art.

Then suddenly everything changed. The world hated us. We were shunned. Those of us lucky enough to escape the horror show descending upon our country were displaced and living in exile, trying to form communities abroad all over the world yet maintain our language, our culture, our heritage our identity in diaspora.

Quickly women had to hide themselves in hejab, lost their right to be educated, hold of fice, and we even lost their bodily autonomy. Public hangings and honor killings become commonplace. Iranian people were now enemy number one in their own country. The Iran we lived was now just a memory.

By the time I was five years old our routine became clear: every few months a relative or close family friend or pure stranger would get a prized visa to Germany where from there it was much easier to get a visa to the US and never look back. My house became a sort of guest house for those who where trying to escape Iran with help and guidance of my parents. On weekends we would make the drive to Frankfurt airport where I would hold a sign with the name of these acquaintances or perfect strangers and my parents would give them a place to stay, a warm meal and advice on how to get where they wanted to go. These visitors would come bringing delicious lavashak, which is a sort of dried fruit roll up, pistachios, caviar, delicious rose water and saffron sweets and my mom and I would sit up into the morning hours listening to their stories and helping them plants seeds of hope and a new life in a strange land. Each night there were different artists, actors and musicians in our home playing music, dancing and creating a community of our own in this foreign country. That is one very important thing Iranians are good at — they leave a mark in the souls of the communities they touch. These fleeing souls would then become forever a part of our family.

We moved to the United States as a teenager in the late 80’s. I always think back at the bravery my parents showed in twice moving us to different countries where they didn’t speak the language or know the customs and they so elegantly and beautifully created harmony in our life, for both my brother and I, to help us secure our futures in the US. The strength I see in the diaspora of us Iranians is sublime.

The past few months have been a whirlwind for Iranians all over the globe and especially the beautiful souls heading this Women Led Revolution in my homeland. Our hearts have been broken and simultaneously opened up to the hope for a free and democratic Iran. We feel rampant PTSD from all we experienced through our parent’s sadness and utter disappointment of losing their country to these mullahs. We know that this regime will not be in power forever and truly for the first time in over 40 years we Iranians are gaining a seat at the table. Our stories are being heard, and our stories are being shared. Since the death and funeral of Mahsa Jina Amini on September 17, 2022 demonstrations with young girls and women at the forefront have grown into a full fledged Revolution.

“Our hearts have been broken and simultaneously opened up to the hope for a free and democratic Iran.”

Over 20,000 Iranians have been wrongfully arrested as many await execution sentences for protesting or simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Many have been tortured and raped, mutilated and murdered, then delivered to the their families as a warning, demanding silence and extracting false admission to crimes not committed. All this violence against the people is to deter demonstrations, to keep people inside living in fear. The brutality against women in Iran is endless and monstrous. Now schoolgirls are being poisoned with gas in their classrooms to punish their disobedience. Nausea, dizziness and even death is a good way to scare parents into keeping their daughters home and quiet as opposed to voicing descent in the streets.

The human rights violations, the oppression, the treatment of women and ethnic minorities like the Kurds and the Baháʼí and the LGBTQ+ communities in Iran is an atrocity. The IRI with the turned blind eye of the west has indirectly benefitted everyone but the Iranian people for over 40 years. It is all by design.

The world needs to shun the Islamic Republic of Iran. The Iranian people are hostages in their own country, they are not citizens but rather political pawns in a power grab of resources and monetary gains that the world has participated in for too long it is time to become more aware that a free and democratic Iran is good for the entire world, including the west. It is my aspiration that all of us on the world stage can learn to see each other truly in our shared humanity that love will triumph over fear and tyranny. ∎

SHAHRNAZ

NANCY SOUTHWICK

@shahrnaznancysouthwick

Shahrnaz Nancy Southwick is a Writer, Producer and Cultural Creative living with her husband and two kids in the urban jungle of Los Angeles. Her work has been featured in magazines and newspapers around the globe. including Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine, FLAUNT, UK Spoon, and Obvious Magazine. A published author, her original writing was featured in the coffee table book, Aroused: The Lost Sensuality of a Woman. Transitioning to a career in television and film. She is in development to bring several shows she has created to audiences worldwide. A lifelong student of the history and development of consciousness, Shahrnaz Nancy Southwick is a student of philosophy, art history, literature and film. An advocate for Women’s Rights, she has consulted and curated numerous philanthropic events, working with leading international organizations and influencers, including Amnesty International (AI), the United Nations (UN), Vital Voices and Deepak Chopra. Currently she is joining the board of We Do it Together a non-profit film production company producing films, documentaries, TV and New Media, uniquely dedicated to the empowerment of women. Her passion for art, film, television and poetry has allowed her to surround herself with some of the most brilliant, influential and inspiring people of our time.

www.launchleft.com

RAIN PHOENIX is the Founder of LaunchLeft, an alliance of artists who break from the norm and lean in to the unique. We enlist famed creatives to launch emerging artists. The LaunchLeft ecosystem currently includes a podcast, live production arm, record label and web3 gallery. We work to grow and nurture collaborative projects from production through distribution. Artists span artistic disciplines, but share a commitment to integrity in process, execution and vision. LaunchLeft aspires to inspire a new model for art that places people over profit. We are committed to growing our left-of-center community and highlighting unconventional and underrepresented artists who champion culture change.

DEAR BROWN SKIN GIRL EXCEPTIONAL NOT DESPITE IT, BUT BECAUSE OF IT

I wrote this poem as a letter to my younger self and for all my brown skin girls as a reminder that we are exceptional not despite of our brown skin, but BECAUSE of it!

Dear Brown Skin Girls keep Shining! - AJ

Dear Brown Skin Girl, Don’t be afraid to shine, For your skin is beautiful, And your hair, divine.

Dear Brown Skin Girl, Your beauty shines from the outside in, From the courage in your heart, To the melanin in your skin.

Dear Brown Skin Girl, Don’t ever doubt your worth, For your beauty shines On every inch of this earth.

Dear Brown Skin Girl, The world may try to dim your light, And when it does, You just shine twice as bright.

Follow AJ on Instagram: @aj_andrews_

Dear Brown Skin, I’m so proud to call you mine. I will always remember your beauty, And I won’t be afraid to shine.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH TORREY DEVITTO

THE LIGHT WITHIN A CAUSE CONVERSATION THAT BEGINS WITH THE VIOLIN

At age six, Torrey began violin lessons. In the fourth grade, she earned her place in a New York high school orchestra. She then studied dance and took acting classes before beginning her career in modeling at the age of 15. This is when her acting career began as well. Actress, advocate, philanthropist, and producer Torrey Joël DeVitto is best known for her incredible six season run on the NBC drama, ‘Chicago Med’ playing Natalie Manning. Today, we go back to Torrey’s roots with her love for the violin and the passion and purpose now that drives her as a philanthropist. From the violin to the light within, we explore purpose in the form of passion.

ALLIÉ: Life is all about relationships, from our relationship with others, our relationship with the world and our relationship with ourselves. Today, Torrey, I’d love to begin with your relationship with the violin. When and how did this relationship begin? And why do you love it?

TORREY: First off, I'll start with how it began. My father is a drummer. He drummed for Billy Joel for 30 years. I grew up going on tour with him all the time. There was one tour, the Storm Front tour was the only time that Billy had a

I started falling in love with it again because I was getting to marry my two worlds.

TORREY DEVITTO ACTRESS, PRODUCER & PHILANTHROPIST

TORREY: (continued) with her. I followed her around everywhere. At the end of the tour, I asked my parents if I could play. So I, at a very young age, really sought it out myself. My dad's first question to her was, "Will she lose her hearing?" Because music has made my dad all but lose his hearing. She was like, "No, I think she'll be good.”

So, I started lessons and grew up with this amazing instrument. It's funny, my relationship with it has changed and morphed, I would say, year after year for the last—what has it been now? I'm almost 39. So like 33 years that I've been playing. It's changed so much because when I was younger I loved it so much. Then when I got into high school, I hate saying this, I was a little embarrassed. I would hide it from my friends. I didn't want to be in the school orchestra. I was in the Florida Symphony Youth Orchestra in Florida and I was traveling over to Germany and Austria playing violin. I was getting hired to play for weddings at such a young age. I was playing all over and some of my friends didn't even know I played. Then I reclaimed it as I got older and out of those teen awkward years where you just want to fit in. I reclaimed it again. Then I went through a phase where I had to choose: do I want to do this path or do I want to choose acting? And I chose acting. So violin took a back seat.

When I moved to LA, I started doing different things outside of the classical realm. I played on Raphael Saadiq's album. Tommy Davidson hired me to play with Brian McKnight's band for one of his shows at this club in LA when I was 18. It was the first time I had done things that wasn't classical. It was jazz and it was also more pop stuff. I got into that. Then I went through a lot of sadness with the violin. Because when acting took over so much and I wasn't playing as much, when I would pick it up, I felt like I wasn't as good as I was when I was 16 years old. Then when you are trained classically, there's so much perfectionism that comes with classical. You can't go ‘off the cuff'. If a note is off, it's wrong. There's no like, “Oh, well, it was a little flat, but it sounded good.” It's like, no, it was wrong. So I would get really upset and then it made me not want to play.

I got to finally play on Chicago Med. I had really waited to meld acting in violin together for something that I really loved. Then I started falling in love with it again because I was getting to marry my two worlds. Then last July, I fractured my finger. That is still healing. So I haven't been able to play since July and I miss it so much. Now I feel like I'm going to enter into another phase where I'm going to have to have so much kindness and compassion for myself when I do start playing again because I know it's not going to be the same. I know it's going to be rough.

My new goal is to learn how to just jam out with friends. I've never been able to do that before. Because when you play classical music, I learned how to play by ear and then read music. And like I said, there's no improv in classical. So when people want to jam with me, I'm like, I don't know how. Like, give me music or hum something and I'll copy it. My new goal with it is to find a new love with it… to be able to be less perfect with it. That's really scary.

ALLIÉ: When you're starting this new chapter with the violin, you have to give yourself grace, right? Allow yourself that imperfection to reach the ‘perfection’ that you want.

TORREY: Absolutely.

ALLIÉ: Joshua Bell said, "When you play a violin piece, you’re a storyteller, and you are telling a story." It seems like this applies to acting as well. When you step into a role you are a storyteller, telling your character’s story. Torrey, of all the characters you've played, is there a specific character or scene that most mirrored your own life?

TORREY: It's so interesting. I do oddly, and this might freak some people out because I've played some really crazy characters. Every character I've ever played has a lot of me in it. I felt so comforted when I read a quote from Ryan Gosling when he said that he wished he was a better character actor. He doesn't know how people do that, and all his characters have him in it. I was like, "Oh my God, yes. That's like me too." I have to blend my characters and me

“My new goal with it is to find a new love with it… to be able to be less perfect with it.”

TORREY: (continued) together. But I will say when I played Natalie on Chicago Med, there were a lot of times where I would read a script and I would be like, "Is my home bugged? Are they listening to me?" Because she's literally mirroring everything I'm going through in my personal life right now and it's really freaking me out.

It becomes that whole thing of art imitating life, life imitating art. When you're really connected to your art, no matter what it is — music, acting, painting, whatever your expression of art is — I do think it starts to blend. When you're that connected to it, I feel impossible for it not to.

ALLIÉ: This is probably why you are the incredible actress that you are. You put all of yourself into it. Let's stay on the violin for a minute. As many have come to understand, there is one thing that you must understand and accept about the violin: there is no success without failure. Exploring this specific truth, now going beyond the violin, can you share a personal story, a personal example in your life where from failure you found success?

TORREY: Oh my goodness, yes. When I get asked for advice by younger people who want to get into acting, I always tell them, "Be prepared to get told no every single day." I've been told ‘no’ way more than I've ever been told yes in my line of work, in my industry. There are so many times where I've been so sad when I would get so close to a role. I'd go through the screen test, it'd be down to me and one other girl, and then I wouldn't get it. It is so true that sometimes the universe stops you from doing something because something even bigger is waiting.

I remember I really wanted this one show. I don't even remember what it was called. I don't even know if it ever even came on the air, to be honest with you. It was a pilot and I wanted it so badly. I got the call that I didn't get it and I was so depressed. Then like two weeks later, I got Chicago Med. I'm like, oh my gosh, that pilot never even got picked up. Had I gotten it, I wouldn't have gotten Med. That literally, in this line of work, happens all the time. I have messed up so many auditions. I have fallen flat on my face so many times. Oh my gosh, there were so many times. This one time I was screen testing for a movie. It was in front of the Wayans Brothers. It was for one of their Spoof movies. It was the Spoof on the Dance movie. I went in there and I had to do the dance part, and I blacked out. I literally blacked out. When I stopped, they were all staring at me with blank stares. I was like, "I'm going to go now."

So I don't think people are aware that, to be an actor, to be an artist, you have to put yourself out there in the most vulnerable way and be willing for people to tell you, "You know what, I'm not into what you're presenting." Then still go home and have to believe in what you are presenting and what you are showcasing and go, "You know what, it wasn't their flavor, but it'll be somebody else's flavor. And it'll always be my flavor and I have to believe in that flavor to keep putting it out there in this world."

Even still, I lost a role this summer. I hadn't been this excited for a part since getting Med and since being off Med. It was down to me and one other person, and I lost it. I was like, "Oh, no!" Still, I said to myself, "You know what, something better's going to come. That's why that's happening." I don't even know one failure story, but I will say that it's just a compilation.

ALLIÉ: It's a compilation. I love that because so oftentimes people say, “Well, things happen for a reason.” But we also then have to believe and have to say that things don't happen for a reason. To your point, if you would've got that other role, Med might not have happened.

TORREY: Exactly. That other show didn't even get picked up. All the things just fell into place. So you've got to trust that. And when you do have failure, keep your eyes open. I feel like, especially when you have a really good work ethic and you're putting your all out there, I believe there's a reason. I also believe that it builds character.

“When you’re really connected to your art… I do think it starts to blend.”

For me, success and the key to life is simplicity and adaptability.

TORREY: I can't imagine my life without failure. It builds strength. It builds character. It builds self-confidence. But when you have failure, you really have to listen. That's when I listen the most. I'm like, okay, I didn't get that. Why? Sometimes when I don't get things consistently, I even look around and I go, okay, I know acting is my path and I know I love it and I know it'll come. But what else am I meant to be doing right now? Why is this not landing in my lap like it has before? Or why am I not getting the roles I want right now? Maybe there's something else I should be doing. Where should I be in service now that my time is open? What else am I meant to be doing? I feel like failure is when you really need to listen to what you're being called to do, or else you'll miss the opportunity.

ALLIÉ: Such a great point because we are these multifaceted creatures. We're not just one thing that de fines us. There are many things… As the violin is a subject that leads to such great conversation, I do have one more question regarding the instrument. The violin is recognized as the backbone of most classical music and plays a leading role when it comes to the expression of emotion. So when it comes to causes and your philanthropic backbone, what causes are you personally and emotionally most tied to?

TORREY: The crux of my work right now in that area has really been empowering youth to know their boundaries, know how to say no, and know their rights when it comes to sexual consent. I've been working with this amazing organization called SafeBAE, and that's the crux of their work. That's what they do. They have a whole curriculum, and they teach kids about sexual consent and assault.

I feel like when I was younger, I grew up, as I'm sure and a lot of people listening to this did, in that boys will be boys. And when I say "boys will be boys," it's not just a conversation for women. Boys need to grow up knowing their rights, too. Sexual assault happens to boys too, and they need to be a part of this conversation. This is not just a girl issue. I always try to stress that because sometimes I do feel like young boys feel left out of the conversation. They're very much included and need to be included. I feel like I grew up in that… You don't talk about it; you just push it away. You don't want to ruffle feathers, and getting heckled should just be a compliment. People talking inappropriately about your body is a compliment.”

I saw a play called ‘Slut: The Play’ when I was like 25 and a girl was assaulted in the play. But it wasn't through sexual penetration. It was that she was touched inappropriately and she said she was raped. When I was 25 years old, I was like, "Wait, that's rape?" I didn't even know that meant you were... All this stuff came crashing onto me, and I started realizing I had nobody in my life when I was younger. I mean, my mother is amazing. The women in my life are amazing. But they grew up in a generation that was like, getting told whatever is a compliment. I had nobody that empowered me in the way that I could say ‘no’ and be okay not being liked, maybe by the cool kids or something, because I said no. So once I learned this information and I realized what I was lacking as a teenager, I said to myself, "I want to do this work and I want to make sure that no teenage kid crosses my path without knowing their ‘no’… without knowing their line, without feeling empowered in that, and not afraid."

What's so beautiful is this new generation of kids. They are so empowered already. I think with all the knowledge and access to all this information that they have, they know more than I even know now. I'm still learning. I feel like I'm learning with them. So that is something I'm really passionate about, just empowering our youth.

Female rights are something I'm very passionate about. I feel like we're in such a weird time where we're teetering on this odd balance of being more empowered and having a voice now more than ever, but also on the brink of getting it all taken away in such a weird, archaic way that is blowing my mind. So that I'm very passionate about. Also, animals, living a cruelty-free life for the sake of animals and also for the sake of our environment. Those three things are things that I wake up to and that are on my mind every day.

ALLIÉ: For the many causes where more care and awareness is needed, end of life care is something you’ve been involved with and an amazing ambassador for. “No one dies alone.” That’s a powerful statement and mission. Is there a story you can share about what drew you to Hospice and to this cause?

TORREY: It's one of those things where hospice was definitely meant to be in my life because it landed in my lap without me seeking it out. Well, I kind of. I was doing a show called One Tree Hill. I was 24 years old and it was the first time I was on a really popular show. All my dreams were coming true. I was like, “I can't believe this is my life!”

You mess up here and there, but you have to be gentle with yourself.

birthed into this earth and then

TORREY: (continued) That show was very challenging. It had a lot of dark energy on it. I just kept to myself. I had this Nintendo DS, and I would go to the hotel room and play the word game or whatever was on there by myself at night. I did make some friends, but I was kind of scared of my own shadow on that show for some reason. The energy was something I wasn't used to.

I wasn't getting outside as much. And when you're on set, you're in reconditioned air all day. You don't really see the day go to night and night go to day. I felt myself getting really depressed. I was like, “This doesn't make any sense. I'm finally doing what I want to be doing. This is why I moved to LA. This is what I want to be doing.”

I knew that I loved it, but I couldn't figure out why I was depressed. I was like, okay. I think I need to use myself in a different way. Because also in our industry, there's so much focus that goes on vanity. Sometimes you become too focused on yourself. I think too much focus on yourself in that way will cause depression because that's not anything that really matters or really counts. When you're just wrapped up in this ‘self’ thing and you're worried about how you look or this and that, it becomes a little ugly. It was making me really sad. So I asked myself, “What can I do to take myself out of my own head?” I thought maybe I'd volunteer at a children's hospital.

I went to Google it one day when I was at home and the first thing that popped up on my Google search was Hospice. I didn't even know what Hospice was. I clicked on it and I called them and they were like, "We're actually having a volunteer training this weekend for the next three weeks." I was like, "Sign me up." I went and I just fell in love with it. I did inpatient volunteering for about eight years, which was so amazing. It taught me so much. Whenever I would get down or something, it just reminded me of what was real.

Every time I got a patient, they were all different and they all wanted to tell different stories. But the one thing that was the same between every patient that could still talk and tell stories was that they all wanted to talk about who they loved, who they regretted not loving, their family, and where they traveled to. Nobody talked about their job. Nobody talked about money Nobody talked about any of that stuff. So it put this light in my life and this perspective. I loved being a part of the process of helping somebody transition from this earth into whatever is next, which I have no idea.

I loved it so much. To go back to what we had talked about previously, I've had a lot of downtime since being off Med. While I'm so excited for what's next and I can't wait to get that job that I really love, I was like, okay, I do have all this downtime. I wonder why. I started looking into death doula training. I realized I'm not in the same place long enough right now to continue doing inpatient volunteering. I thought maybe I should get my death doula training while I have this time…

ALLIÉ: Wow. I've never heard this term, ‘death doula’, that is really fascinating and interesting to me.

TORREY: Isn’t it? If you think about it, to me, the reason why I loved hospice is I felt like you're just helping birth somebody again. We get birthed into this earth and then we birth into whatever's next. So death doula makes sense to me. We have birth doulas, why not have death doulas? Somebody told me about it probably like a couple of years ago. I didn't know about it either, and it's just been ruminating in my head. It's like, I have this time right now, why not?

ALLIÉ: I love it. After all, people spend so much time, so much attention, and so much care at the beginning for a life that's entering. When a life is exiting, why is that same amount of care not there as well? The fact that you're very passionate about it is awesome. Often, I feel it's our personal evolutions that drive our public contributions. That said, I want to talk about ‘Whose Skin Are You In?’ the PETA campaign you were part of. That messaging, I just love: "Choose Fake Snake and Mock Croc. Wear Vegan." I’d love to hear you share your personal journey as it pertains to being a vegetarian. Then the vegan side of things as well. Where did it begin and where is it taking you now?

“We get

we birth into whatever’s next.”

I like taking emotional risks more than physical risks.

TORREY: It actually began in a really silly way. I was with an ex. I think I was about 24 years old again. Yeah, I was 24. A lot came to me when I was 24. He had gone on a fishing trip. He grew up in New Jersey, so not anywhere that he really went fishing or anything. We both grew up in a city life. Neither of us were big campers.

He went camping and fishing with some of his guy friends. He came back and was like, "Oh my God, it was so weird. We went fishing…" All of his friends were used to getting the fish and hitting it over the head and having to kill it. He was like, "I just couldn't do it.”

I realized I fished when I would visit Michigan in the summers and see my grandparents, but I never had to do the hard part. I was so little. I thought to myself, "Oh my God, I couldn't do that to a fish." I was like, "Well, I couldn't kill a cow either." Then I thought, "If I don't have the strength to look at it in the eye and kill it, I shouldn't be eating it." I said, "That's it. I'm never eating meat again."

Literally, from that moment on, I never ate meat again. I continued to eat fish until I was 29, and then I never ate fish again. So that's how it started. It was just a weird story from my boyfriend at the time coming home and telling me that he couldn't kill a fish. Then it definitely evolved.

It started off about having respect for animals, feeling like I couldn't. Then the more I learned about factory farming and how they do that. If people could actually go out and kill their own meat and use it for everything, I would respect it so much. But that's just not the way, especially in the states. Nothing is done like that anymore.

When I started learning about the environmental impact that factory farming was having on the earth. Then when you learn about overfishing and what they're doing to the dolphins and the sharks by way of over fishing. It more and more confirms why.

I've gone in and out of veganism for a long time too. I just started on February 15th, a three-month vegan challenge. I like to say to everybody, you have to be gentle because there are so many things. I was getting this drink from Starbucks with my cousin for three days in a row and then I said, "Wait a second, is this oat milk?" They were like, "No." I'm like, "Shoot."

You mess up here and there, but you have to be gentle with yourself. I'm hoping that this time sticks because I really do want to stop eating dairy. But my fashion has been vegan. I started going vegan in my fashion probably around 29 when I stopped eating fish. I was like, “Wait a second. I won't eat a burger, but I'm wearing it. How does that make sense?”

I've always been conscious of what I'm putting on my face, in my hair or my body to be cruelty free. And honestly, on a soul level, it makes me feel lighter to know that everything I'm doing is not hurting a creature. That, for me, works. Because not a lot of people in my life are vegetarian or vegan. I try to make sure that when I get asked questions, I answer them. I'm not trying to sit here judging anyone or shaming anyone. Everybody's got their own path, but for me, that just works.

ALLIÉ: An advocate for reproductive rights, you not only spoke at Planned Parenthood's ‘Bans Off Our Bodies’ virtual rally, you also went on Celebrity Jeopardy playing to support Planned Parenthood. Beyond this, you shared her own abortion story in an exclusive interview with PEOPLE. You’ve used your professional and personal platform to support others. For women who say, I’m not strong enough to stand by my truth or to share my story, please share what it is that gives you the strength to do so?

TORREY: I think being aware of suffering that some women go through really lights a fire in me and makes me feel really passionate about this… or seeing things going in reverse or seeing injustices. Ever since I was a kid, injustice has always driven me crazy. I used to get so angry when I would see things that I felt weren't right in my heart or in my soul. That gives me this strength to say, you know what, I will use whatever part of me, whatever the story. I always feel like even with friends or people I meet, I'm very much an open book.

So that lights me up… understanding and knowing the strengths I have to offer and understanding and knowing my weaknesses and nurturing and catering to those as well.

TORREY: (continued) There's not much that you can't get out of me. I don't have deep dark secrets that I'm scared to tell. I'm a big fan of messing up, making mistakes, being messy, and being human. So, I am very comfortable. I always joke about one of my sisters, Maryelle. We've gone on trips before, and she'll climb the waterfall. She'll swim under things. I'm always so afraid of getting physically hurt, but then, I will be the one to sit down with family members and be like, "Let's have this vulnerable conversation." My sister's like, "Nope." I like taking emotional risks more than physical risks.

I've always been very open in that way. Some people aren't, which I totally appreciate and honor. Some people don't like sharing their stories like that. It's very difficult for them. And for whatever reason, it's not difficult for me. So I'm like, yeah, use me.

I am such a huge advocate of never ever sharing something you're not ready to share. Do not feel bullied or pressured into having to scream at the rooftops how you feel right now. I know it is a very important time for us to use our voices, but never do something you feel uncomfortable with until you are ready to do it.

I will say, and I know from experience at this point, people can be vicious. Sometimes I will share things in the most loving, open way, and actually still forget that people can be vicious. When I see the viciousness come at me, I'll be like, “I just shared that in love. How am I getting so much hate back?”

That is not for everyone. Not everyone can handle that. So, please, if you don't feel comfortable sharing something, don't share it. That's why it's easy for me. Just like when people say, "How can you do hospice?" For some reason, being around death doesn't bother me. Other things bother me that I can't do that somebody else can do. But if you can't be around death, then you don't have to hospice-volunteer and that's okay.

So that lights me up, at this point in my life, understanding and knowing the strengths I have to offer and understanding and knowing my weaknesses and nurturing and catering to those as well.

ALLIÉ: For those who feel they are trapped in the dark looking outside for hope, what words can you share to help them find light from within?

TORREY: This might sound odd, but I think, for me, whenever I start feeling really down and dark and hopeless, I remind myself that everybody is feeling like this right now. That unity in that sadness helps me. Whenever I call a friend who I think is for sure not just sitting on the couch all weekend like me watching trash TV because I'm so unmotivated to do anything and they say, "Oh, no. I have been feeling super sloth-like, really down." I would never want my friends to feel that way, but there's something in that. Hearing that other people are going through this too gives you permission because you don't feel like you're on an island by yourself. Whenever you're feeling depressed at home, you feel like the world is being extra productive and everything's turning except for you, right?

So I always say, reach out to people, find that commonality. For me, when I feel that unity in that sadness, it helps me almost get out of it. I feel like, okay, we can do this together. It's not just me. I am not alone. Even if it's strangers. When I see someone share something that's very real on Instagram, it empowers me because I feel that way too.

I think it's important for people to know that if you look at my social media, I probably look so active, which I am. I'm somebody that's always moving, even though sometimes I really would like to stay still more. But I have days where I just sit watching Love is Blind on Netflix for two days straight.

“I’m a big fan of messing up, making mistakes, being messy, and being human.”

Everybody’s got their own path…

THE LIGHT WITHIN

https://awarenow.us/podcast/the-light-within

TORREY: (continued) I think people aren't aware of that, especially with social media now. It's like a highlight reel of everyone's lives. So understand and know that everybody is going through this right now. And give yourself permission to be loving towards yourself if you're not being as productive as you want to be, or you're not being as proactive as you want to be. And trust that you'll find it.

There's so much I want to do. I want to have such a productive morning. I'm not a morning person, and I struggle with it every day. Every day. I set my alarm for 7:00 and then I snooze it till like 9:30. I'm like, “Why did I do that? Why did I do that?” It's so frustrating. Then I get depressed and down on myself. “Am I ever going to get my morning routine? What am I doing with my life? I guess I'm just going to watch Netflix again today.”

Just knowing that other people feel that way makes me feel so much better. It helps me get out of that slump. You are not alone. We are all not alone. I think we need to connect more in that way and not just uplifting ‘we got this’ way. Sometimes we don't and it's okay. Let's all lay on the couch today together. Let's all eat our faces off with pizza and nachos together, just for today so that we can get back up again tomorrow. It's okay.

We move so quickly. I'm the kind of person, I know now at 38 years old, thank God, that if I don't have time by myself to recharge, I'm a mess. I need that. I can't have somebody in my space 24 hours. Even if a friend comes to visit, it's got to be like a weekend. More than like two or three days, I'm like, okay...

You have to know these things about yourself and allow yourself that sloth-like thing. So many people put success in a box. For me, success and the key to life is simplicity and adaptability. I think we overcomplicate things so much. It’s giving yourself permission to just be simple a little bit sometimes. Then when you're ready to, get up and roar and thrive and do all the things and write the books or whatever you want to do. Do it. Or give yourself that sloth-like thing and then set an hour a day to do whatever you want to do. There are so many things. We're just so hard on ourselves. Just remember, everybody feels this way. That makes me feel good.

ALLIÉ: It's so true because sometimes in the dark is where we find the light. You can't see the light without the dark. You have to have both sides.

TORREY: Every time I feel way too sparkly, I'm like, “I've been really happy for a month. What's coming up?” And not in a bad way. I appreciate the lessons. So whenever everything is too smooth, I'm like, where is the lesson? I know it's coming soon. Gear yourself up. ∎

ABSENCE ON VALUING PRESENCE

This was March 1, and unknowingly my last hike in the PNW this year. It ended up being a day out alone (no one on the trail even), which in hindsight was perfection.

Almost 6 months later, I’m realizing the significance I didn’t know at the time.

This is the longest suspension bridge in Oregon, 240 ft long with a 60 ft waterfall into a 100ft gorge. For having a fear of heights & being prone to vertigo attacks, this was quite the experience (especially solo my first time). I took this as evidence for myself later, walking across a sheet of ice, that I can continue to discover what I’m capable of. I don’t think I could bring myself to look beyond 2ft the entire way, and learned that self-coaching really does work. I managed to get one video on the bridge, otherwise it wasn’t about photos.

Mornings like this, getting these places all to yourself is like no other.

It’s strange to experience such a life halt. I always felt so present in these moments, never taking my travel opportunities for granted. I didn’t think it’d be due to a global pandemic I’d be kept away.

I know one chapter ending leads to another yet to be written. As this perfect storm continues, I’ll be holding onto these moments, images and my Michigan happy places until I can return again.

life is meant for living.

THE ABC’S OF LIFE A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF

Dear Thi,

Life may not make sense right now, or perhaps it does.

At this moment you are going through the growing pains of being a young adolescent who is carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. There is so much going on around you: doing well in school, making new friends, making your parents happy, finding that quiet space, helping around the house, taking care of your siblings, balancing your extracurricular activities, and figuring out your future among other things.

You’ll go through heartache, pain, and loss and will walk away being a better version of yourself because of it. You’ll make so many mistakes, where at the moment it will seem dire, but do know it is part of the process of developing yourself to become a gift to society. You are meant to be here, exactly where you belong. You are loved!

I could simply share how it would be a great idea if you bought google’s stock or invested in the house you passed by on your way to college. Maybe, save a little more and spend a little less, but guess what, life is meant for living.

Most importantly, I want to remind you that you are so much stronger than you know.

Continue reading and writing.

Don’t ever stop doing the things you love.

Sing at the top of your lungs and practice the piano with the same passion as you give to others.

Your happiness and your success are determined by how much time you spend on editing yourself, understanding your needs, and growing into who you are meant to be.

Don’t apologize for taking that time to do you, be you, and work on yourself.

It’s OK and it’s an absolute necessity.

THI NGUYEN NONPROFIT CONSULTANT, ENTREPRENEUR & PHILANTHROPIST

Loss is a part of living, don’t lose yourself in it.

Here are the ABCs of life I want to remind you of while you navigate through the years ahead:

An ending to a relationship is the beginning of a journey in rediscovering yourself and your self-worth.

Be true to who you are, those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

Continue practicing all the languages you learn, it will help you immensely through your travels.

Don’t give in to pressure. Go at your own pace and do you.

Everything will fall into place, don’t sweat the small stuff.

Follow your gut!

Give yourself time in between to let your heart heal.

Help those less fortunate and remember your own journey and where you come from.

It’s okay, to not be okay. You are loved! Don’t forget this.

Just ask and you shall receive, the worst thing they can say is no. Once you get over the no everything is a yes.

Know your worth!

Loss is a part of living, don’t lose yourself in it.

Mistakes are a part of growth. You’ll make a lot and that’s alright. Learn from them. Do better the next time around.

Never stop exploring. Be curious about all the opportunities that come your way. If your heart is in it, make it happen!

Open yourself up. Be vulnerable. Your heart and mind will thank you.

People walk into your life for a reason, even if it’s only for a season.

Question everything, settle for nothing.

Remove the negative energy in your life or those who weigh you down. Your mental health is way more important.

Stay strong and move on.

Test your limits. Take on a new hobby, learn a new skill, take that job, and don’t settle for any less.

Universes can be infinite. Allow your mind to drift into another when the time calls.

View every situation from the outside looking in. This pause will provide you with clarity from another perspective.

Walk your own path and take the road less traveled, you’ll discover so much more than you’ll ever imagine.

Xenodochy is your superpower. You never know what the others are going through. Treat everyone with kindness.

Your hardships don’t define you, they will help you overcome your future obstacles.

Zip through the noise surrounding you and allow yourself to get back to your zen.

THE ABC’S OF LIFE

Remember, life is meant for living. If you wait around too long, you may miss out on what is in store for you.

Money is something you can always make, time is the one thing you can’t have more of once it is gone. Stay true to who you are and do you. Life is a colorful mess, enjoy the ride. Quiet the chatter. Find the path that fits your need and follow it.

You are enough. ∎

This is dedicated to anyone who may need a little reminder towards self-love, self-care, self-re flection, and to provide yourself grace. To all the women who are balancing it all, YOU ARE A SUPERHERO. Please don’t forget this and remember self-care provides you with the ability to continue caring for others. Please follow the GoGreenDress on Instagram (@gogreendress) for more adventures and messaging. Thank you for all that you do and all that you continue to do for those around you.

THI NGUYEN brings with her over 2 decades of non profit experience as a participant, advisor, board member, consultant, volunteer and research and development specialist. Her expertise combining technology to further advance the vision and mission for philanthropic causes has allowed her to serve as a trusted partner with many notable organizations large and small. Thi has experience working with organizations focusing on combating various global issues such as: human sex trafficking, homelessness, poverty, fair wages, global warming, malnutrition, gender equality, humanitarian assistance and human rights. She's currently developing an app to connect individuals and corporations to assist nonprofits in furthering their vision and mission.

“Life is a colorful mess, enjoy the ride.”

I was tired of saying, “I’m tired.”

ALLIÉ MCGUIRE

CO-FOUNDER

JE SUIS FATIGUE IN OTHER WORDS, I’M TIRED

Some things are just more fun to say in French. I find saying “s’il vous plaît” is a more pleasant way to say “please”. To me, “merci” sounds more sincere than “thank you”. Talking in terms of “tired”, Jack will often hear me say, “Je suis fatigué.” I was tired of saying, “I’m tired.” For those with living with Multiple Sclerosis, fatigue can be more than exhausting. It’s debilitating.

When it comes to Multiple Sclerosis, primary fatigue is caused by MS damage in the brain and spinal cord. Here multiple processes may be involved. One idea from researchers is that passing messages over and around nerve damage takes extra energy. Secondary fatigue is caused by living with MS symptoms like pain, or disturbed sleep.

Some may say, “Oh, you’re tired. Take a nap.”

But what if you don’t have enough energy to breathe. That’s what fatigue can feel like. It’s an overwhelming sense of tiredness with no obvious cause.

Others may say, “Oh, you overdid it.”

Here’s the thing, with Multiple Sclerosis, you may wake up feeling as exhausted as you did when you went to sleep. For many with MS, fatigue is considered to be the single most debilitating symptom, surpassing pain and even physical disability.

“What can be done?” you may ask. As opposed to being reactive, be proactive. Hydrate with water. Nourish with healthy foods and a balanced diet. Supplement with a multivitamin. And, of course, get as much rest as you can. Above all, know your limits. I’m reminded of my favorite quote from Alice In Wonderland, “I often give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it.” I’ll admit, I bookend my days with coffee in the morning and wine at night with not near enough water during the day. I’m working on this. I’m also working on working less. As a workaholic, I’m trying to reduce my number of all nighters, even with mounting daily deadlines. That’s all any of us can do, I suppose. We do better to feel better. For now, I’ll call it a day. After all, je suis fatigué. Merci.

Written and Narrated by Allié McGuire https://awarenow.us/podcast/je-suis-fatigue

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH GABRIELLE BOURNE

MACK OF ALL TRADES A MASTER OF

MANY TALENTS & TOOLS

When a handywoman and aspiring finish carpenter navigates dating, family, and society’s expectations in a predominantly male trade, you have the making for an epic series of real scenarios and relatable scenes that so many can identify with. It is with gratitude that we give thanks to Gabrielle Bourne for producing the comedy series, Mack Of All Trades, using humor to take on society’s stereotypes when it comes to the roles and goals of women.

ALLIÉ: Actress and model, actress and singer, actress and dancer… These are titles we’re used to seeing together. Here enters Gabrielle Bourne, actress and builder. We’re not used to seeing these two titles go together. When and how did these two professions come to be your calling?

GABBY: It's been a journey. I've been, for a long time since I was 11, an actor. That was the thing that has driven me. It's what I went to college for. It's been my main thing throughout. Then somewhere along the way, I'd say maybe seven or eight years ago, I started getting interested in woodworking and refinishing furniture. It started like that and

I was even doing handywoman work at a certain point.

“It became an obsession.”

GABBY: (continued) It started as a way to supplement my acting career on the side. I was bartending. Then I turned into somebody who wasn't as much of a night person anymore. I was doing all these projects for fun. I thought, "Okay, why don't I do it for other people?”

I started refinishing furniture and building custom furniture for people. Then my husband and I bought our first house, and I refinished our kitchen. Then things spiraled. It became an obsession. I feel so lucky to have found something that I can do that works alongside of acting where I don't have to sacrifice anything. I get to do both. It's just incredible.

I'm just grateful to have found it because acting can be a difficult road sometimes. I always talk about it with Tri, who's a professional athlete, where it's like, okay, you practice and then you get to play in the game. That's the reason why you practice. Acting, until you're at that point, it's a lot of practice. It's a lot of class and playing and working behind the scenes and not as much time, in the beginning, as you're in the game.

So that is what building gives me in a fulfilling way. I get to start something and see a finished product. I'm not seeing a finished product as much so far with acting and I get to see that with the building. I love how they fit hand in hand and I feel very lucky to have them both.

ALLIÉ: In the comedy series you wrote, produced and starred in, Mack Of All Trades, you play the role of Mack - a handywoman. This 6-part series calls out society’s gender based stereotypes through a series of hilarious scenarios. Do all of these episodes mirror your own lived experiences? Was this series based on real life events?

GABBY: It definitely stemmed from that. Obviously, it's not really based on my life. Mac is single and in the dating world. I've been in a relationship for a very long time. So who she is and her storyline is different, but a lot of the scenarios that she finds herself in are definitely based off of my personal experiences showing up at houses when I was building furniture. I was even doing handywoman work at a certain point where I'd go and fix things for people. So yes, 100% those experiences are based off of my experiences.

ALLIÉ: This makes the whole series all the more awesome — to know that it actually happened. Of all of the scenes in the series, which was your hardest to film, part A? Part B, which scene was your favorite?

GABBY: Hardest, I would say the scene in the lumber yard. There were a lot of moving parts going on there. It was kind of… It was tricky but also one of my favorites. Then the other hard scene was we have a scene with a spider and Tri, my husband, was the spider wrangler. That was his job. He needed to find a spider and keep it alive until we started shooting. We had to place it on the piece of wood because it comes crawling up to me. That whole getting the spider to do exactly what you want and not die and be in the shot, that was difficult.

My favorite scene to film would be the date scene with the actor, Tim Jo. He's such a great actor and so much fun to work with. We worked, several years back, on a show called Pitch. It was a Fox show about a female pitcher. He came to do that with me and that scene is where this whole idea stemmed from. I just thought that concept was so funny; her being nervous to tell who she's dating that she's a handy woman, and how he takes it. That was so fun because we got to play back and forth. That was my favorite scene to shoot.

ALLIÉ: The quality of this series from the writing to the production is incredible. Why was Instagram your platform of choice to distribute the series? Was it the instant access it provides? Please tell me what we’ve seen is only a teaser, as we definitely need to see more of Mack.

It’s been a year and a half of a lot of blood, sweat, and tears.

GABBY: Thank you. Yes, it's a teaser. Basically, I created this series. In the beginning, it was a pitch concept for a pilot. We submitted it to festivals, we took it to a few festivals, which was really fun. Then I decided that I wanted to write a more fully fleshed-out pilot to then pitch as a show that is a little bit different in tone. I had some new more specific ideas about it. But I didn't want this whole thing to just fall to the wayside because it's so fun. I thought splitting it up into little three to five-minute episodes would be fun. Online is a great place for that because we're consuming things a lot quicker, these shorter, little snippets that we can just watch in passing. That's why I chose to put it out. Now I am moving on to work on the more fleshed-out version of it that I want to turn into a TV show. I'm working on writing it now.

ALLIÉ: Offscreen, you are a home renovating, do-it-yourself queen. What project of yours are you most proud of?

GABBY: That's a good question. In terms of building, I have a project that stands out to me the most, which is this built-in wine rack unit that I did a really fun design. The math behind it was so hard, but then when I saw it come together, it was my first big build of a built-in that I felt really proud of that. I felt it looked professional and I felt great about it.

Overall, the project that I'm most proud of is the renovation that I just did on our duplex. That was my first big project that I general-contracted and did most of the building myself. It's been a year and a half of a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. That's been my dream now for a long time to be able to do like a full-on renovation. I've been working through one project, one room at a time, and I'm nearing the end of it. I am definitely proud of that whole journey.

ALLIÉ: Well, you're proud of it. I'm impressed by it. So many can't help but be impressed by everything that you do. But, specifically this renovation, what?! It’s so amazing. I love that you do post and share online so we can follow. I feel like it's my second home.

GABBY: It's hard. I went through the majority of it not sharing because I was way in over my head for a while there. I had a little one-year-old and was very overwhelmed. So there was no time for filming or any of that. But as I started getting to the place where I could see again, I started taking more time to share.

ALLIÉ: Growing up, I remember learning how to use tools from my mom. She taught me everything I knew about building and home repairs. I learned not only how to use tools, but how to care for them. I learned how to select materials for projects and the importance of cleaning up afterward. From properly measuring to creatively problem solving, I learned so much from using tools. I also learned a lot about myself. My biggest learning? Patience isn’t always my strongest virtue, but it needs to be. How about you, Gabby? What have you learned not only about projects, but about yourself as well?

GABBY: That's a good question… I’ve learned how determined and stubborn I am. I have learned so much about the process of building a home. I've always found that stuff fascinating. How do people do things? It can't be that crazy complicated because people do it. So, why can't I know how? How do I learn? I've always been fascinated by that. Like, how things are made, how things work, what's behind this drywall? Like, how did people get this house standing so that it doesn't fall down in the wind? I just wanted to know these things.

I think what I've learned the most from watching YouTube videos and all of that as I go on each project learning how these things are done, how to tile. Then I guess what I've learned about myself on top of that is I heard this podcast with somebody recently where she talks about how everything is ‘figureoutable’.

In terms of talking about patience and all of that, I obviously struggle with patience too, whether it's with my threeyear-old or with my projects. That's always something that's coming up. But no matter what happens, everything is figureoutable. I think I've translated that to my projects lately.

“Sometimes you need to see it from a different perspective.”

GABBY: (continued) Like, with whatever came up with the renovation, it was like, "Oh my gosh, this is going to cost this much. What do I do?" Or, "Oh my gosh, there's a pipe here and it needs to be here. What are we going to do?" And then, “No matter what comes up, these things aren't lining up. It's driving me crazy. What am I going to do?” But no matter what comes up, everything is figureoutable.

That's applicable to life in general. Anything that comes up along the way, whether it's health stuff, whatever it is, we need to figure out how to handle this. Everything is figureoutable. How do we move forward? What do we do? What's the one next step? Yeah, I think that's probably the biggest thing.

ALLIÉ: You're so right. Whether you're building a house or you're building a life, there are these shared lessons between the two. Do you feel it's like that with filmmaking too, building a house, writing a film, creating a film?

GABBY: Yes, totally. Throughout the process, there are so many things that come up where you're stuck and you don't know where to go next. And sometimes you do have to take a step back from it and have a minute to let things come to you. It's not always like, "Okay, I'm going to work on this until I figure it out." Sometimes you need to see it from a different perspective. But it's totally, 100% applicable to filmmaking and all that.

ALLIÉ: Working with my mom, one of my first major projects was re-roofing a storage shed. What was your first major project that you attempted?

GABBY: Well, the first one that I attempted and did not complete was this apartment that I was renting after college. I got permission from the landlord to refinish the kitchen cabinets. I think I did half, one side of it or something.

After that, was refinishing kitchen cabinets, which I did complete. That was our first house. The kitchen was very old from the 60s. So I sanded down all the cabinets and painted them all. That was a huge undertaking that I did on my own before we moved in. It took a lot of time, but it was so fun.

ALLIÉ: We're going to get very personal now. I'll go first. For me, my tool of choice is my Leatherman. I am a huge fan of versatility that way. How about you, Gabby? If you had to choose only one tool to use for the rest of your life, what would it be?

GABBY: That’s such a hard question… There are so many that are necessary. I think since my favorite aspect of building DIY is woodworking, one of my saws. Probably my micro saw, that's the most useful. I mean, you really need all the saws depending on what you're doing, but I would pick my micro saw or my nail gun. That thing is really fun and does a lot of cool stuff.

ALLIÉ: Leading by example, whether you know it or not, Gabby, you’re empowering other women, daring them even to take on challenges they may never have considered attempting. For those who don’t yet trust their hands with tools, what advice do you have for those aspiring to be handywomen?

MACK OF ALL TRADES

Exclusive Interview with Gabreille Bourne https://awarenow.us/podcast/mack-of-all-trades

ALLIÉ: I love words, you know this about me. I'm going to say a word. I'm going to give you nine of them because it's my favorite number. I'll say a word. You say the first word that comes to mind.

GABBY: Okay…

ALLIÉ: Saw

GABBY: Cut

ALLIÉ: Film

GABBY: Acting

ALLIÉ: Home

GABBY: Safe

ALLIÉ: Family

GABBY: Love

ALLIÉ: When

GABBY: Now

ALLIÉ: Tri

GABBY: Husband

ALLIÉ: Stage

GABBY: Presence

ALLIÉ: You

GABBY: Me

ALLIÉ: Thank you. That was fun. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story, to share your world, the inside and outside of it. Thank you for helping all of us become a bit more aware now. Thank you so much, Gabby. ∎

I’m a woman, phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, that’s me.

MAYA ANGELOU

AMERICAN AUTHOR, POET & CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST

PHENOMENAL WOMEN LADIES LIFTING VOICES & INSPIRING SOLIDARITY

‘Phenomenal Woman’ was the first poem I ever set to memory and stepped on stage with. Maya was (and is) my muse. However, my list of muses has grown to include the women of Awareness Tiesour ambassadors, columnists and advisors. They are sisters who stand with us and beside us as we work to wake the world. -

In honor of Maya Angelou, this recitation of her poem, 'Phenomenal Woman', is dedicated to the valued voices of women around the world. In 'The Rights Edition', where we explore the writing of wrongs, we look to the heroines of our time such as Maya Angelou, RBG, and countless others leading with word and deed.

In this piece, we give thanks to the women of Awareness Ties who help us raise awareness for the causes we're all tied to. Each one of these women works to inform and inspire to support the changes we want and need in this world. One story at a time, together we rise. ∎

Even though I don’t always feel hopeful, it doesn’t mean it’s not there, waiting to be found when I need it.

JOEL CARTNER

LAWYER, AWARENESS TIES OFFICIAL ADVISOR & COLUMNIST

AN ABUNDANCE OF COURAGE

THOUGHTS ON COURAGE & HOPE (BUT MOSTLY COURAGE)

ON COURAGE AND HOPE (BUT MOSTLY COURAGE):

Throughout my life, and especially when I was a kid, I’ve been called brave and/or an inspiration a lot. I’ve never really understood it, to be totally honest. Aside from society’s rather problematic way of viewing people with disabilities as endless beacons of hope and inspiration, I understand that watching someone like me go through what I’ve been through and still end up where I am could engender a feeling of hope that they too can get through whatever they’re going through. The problem with that is that it often casts me as someone who is consistently hopeful or courageous. For my purposes, though, nothing about my story(2) feels like I’m being particularly courageous. It feels like me doing what anyone would do in my shoes. Here are some things I think took courage:

Testifying before various state officials on the ways in which a myopic view of (specifically opioid) drug policy was actually a harmful approach to the community they were trying to serve by sharing my journey with pain management was a thing I did that took courage.

Saying no to surgery was a thing I did that took courage.

Standing up to an ableist teacher was a thing I did that took courage.

This dichotomy between the things that I think take courage and the things society takes from me for hope is furthered by the fact that much of what I really have to face requiring courage either happens when I’m alone or feels very lonely. This is not only confusing but also somewhat distressing since, while I’ve written before about how I can choose to return to hope, what I neglected to mention at the time was how much energy that takes, especially when I feel I’m doing it alone. Recently, however, I’ve gotten some language to help me with the relationship between hope and courage. We do, as usual, have to go back in time first.

From October 2018 through the Bar, I finished my time at law school, living with friends in a house on top of a very large hill. For those who don’t know, it’s bitterly cold in Connecticut from around October until early April. My body doesn’t love the cold; it takes the environmental incentive to curl in on itself and runs with it making me fight my body even harder for every step forward. Add frequent inclement weather to the mix, and things get even worse. Almost every night, my best friend would drive us back from class, parking as high up the slope of the hill as the pitch would allow, and the two of us would begin the painstakingly slow climb. We’d get out of the car, he’d put his arm around both my shoulders, and I’d put mine around his waist, and then we’d start walking.

One of the first things I wrote for Awareness Ties was about choosing to return to hope.(1) I don’t want to undermine anything I wrote then. There is power in choosing hope, and there is power in seeing someone else overcome something. But in the intervening years, I’ve found myself searching for the nuance of what happens when choosing hope doesn’t feel like an option. So, consider these two articles two sides of a coin.

‘UNYIELDINGLY HUMAN’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY

In reality, it was probably only somewhere between 20 and 30 steps uphill, but I swear, some nights, that damn hill felt like a mountain. Some nights, it would take us 10 to 15 minutes to make it, but my friend stayed for as long as it took. The funny thing about those walks is, even though it was my body fighting me for every step, and even though it was me in indescribable pain, I spent so much time on those walks (and many others) apologizing to my friend. Because I was keeping us out in the cold, or I was taking too long, or that having to sit with me in this process was causing emotional harm to my friend. Some parts of society might look at that interaction and either go all googly-eyed over my friend sticking by me, pity me for the pain and emotional state, or “marvel(3)” at the fact that I climbed this hill over and over. For my part, I used to think that my apologetic reaction was entirely rooted in the anxiety of feeling like a burden (which it was), but I’ve also come to learn that being able to express that anxiety is rooted in courage. How did I figure that out? Well, I watched Daredevil, of course.

There’s a scene in “The H Word(4)” In which Matt Murdock is talking to one of his clients (Aaron) who is in a wheelchair due to a company’s negligence about what Aaron’s life is going to look like going forward. He says, “It’s only going to get harder, Aaron, you’re only at mile one of the marathon… your doctor is going to tell you to stay positive, your family is going to tell you not to feel sorry for yourself, your therapist is going to tell you not to be angry… maybe you’ll walk again, maybe you won’t, I hope so, but your ability to get through it, as this gets harder, that is a hundred times more powerful than slapping a smile on your face and pretending like everything is just fine.” Murdock doesn’t specify who it will be powerful for, but I think it’s meant to be powerful for Aaron. Not only for living with a difficult situation but for having the courage to do so, showing the full reality of what his life is, not just the hopeful parts. Those lines crystallized what happened when my friend and I walked up that hill every night. There was no hope on those nights, it was brutal and cold, and we fought for every inch. And yet, I also laid myself open before my friend and showed him the most vulnerable parts of me on those walks. We would both come to express that, while unpleasant, something about those walks brought us closer together. I think that thing was a shared sense of courage, and that courage brings me hope.

That’s courage, but how do I square the circle of recognizing my courage, the energy it takes to find hope, and feeling alone? Well, that has a little more to do with hope.

ON HOPE:

I never go to my orthopedic appointments alone. Not only are they stressful, but also, with that much information flying around, it’s useful to have someone else there to remind you of the things you wanted to ask, offer a second perspective, or help keep track of it all. That said, there will always come a time at those appointments when I will be asked to make decisions, wait for the next round of injections, or face some difficult truth where the world will shrink down, and I will end up feeling very alone. In those moments, I don’t feel particularly hopeful. I’m too busy trying to get through the appointment for that. I don’t feel any courage in those moments either, outside of the courage it takes to take the next step forward. This is why, from an external perspective, I get so frustrated with the world for valorizing the hope stories like mine can provide when they don’t see the parts of the story where hope is absent. It’s also why I get so confused internally because while I know, there are people in the room with me at a certain point, the decision will always be mine alone, the pain will be solely mine to bear, and/or the information will always be mine alone to recontextualize. That will always be lonely, but I have managed to find hope there too.

“I think that thing was a shared sense of courage, and that courage brings me hope.”

Recently, a very good friend recommended a book, Disasterology, by Dr. Samantha Montano. In it, Dr. Montano discusses climate change from both personal and community perspectives and places disasters in their proper context as failings of public policy. It’s well worth the read. For the purposes of this article, however, I want to focus on what Dr. Montano has to say about hope. She says that she doesn’t go looking for hope anymore. (5) She notes that hope won’t help rebuild people’s houses or save the people trapped on their rooftops any faster and that hope is not a driver for her in her work anymore. She also talks about two other things in this vein that I want to note. First, she says that hope, whether manufactured by the people working to save the lives of others or by the symbols we find like a flower growing through a crack in the sidewalk, will always be there if you choose to look for it. Second, she talks about how courage(6) is what drives her to do what she does and that the survivors of disasters that she’s met, while they might have hope, are fundamentally driven by courage. Dr. Montano’s journey from hope to courage gave me the idea that courage is something you have, and hope is something you either give, receive, or look for.

Courage is what gets me out of bed in the morning when the pain is bad. Courage is what lets me look my doctors right in the eye, no matter what might come next. Courage is what led me to work in healthcare and disability policy when, for a long time, that was the last place I thought I wanted to be. Courage is what leads me to show up for my friends, no matter what. It doesn’t matter what I “give” to society at large; eventually, that hope is no longer under my control; hope will be there regardless. For my part, even though there are times when facing whatever thing is mine to do alone and no matter how many times I feel alone, there will be people waiting just on the other side to remind me to hope, to remind me of the courage I already hold.

Even though I don’t always feel hopeful, it doesn’t mean it’s not there, waiting to be found when I need it. The same can be said of courage. ∎

References

(1) https://issuu.com/awarenessties/docs/awarenow_-_the_return_edition

(2) With explicit regard to my medical reality.

(3) In the gross inspiration porn(y) way

(4) https://youtu.be/DAcBe2HMMlg (technically, season 1 ep 1 of The Defenders, not Daredevil)

(5) It’s worth noting here that Dr. Montano is talking about seeking hope in the context of the existential threat that is climate change, and I’m talking about it in a personal context. Our responses to those contexts can be wildly different, but I still think the parallel is worth drawing.

(6) Dr. Montano gives credit to Dr. Kate Marvel for introducing her to the idea of climate courage here as well. https://www.marvelclimate.com

Lawyer,

www.awarenessties.us/joelcartner

JOEL CARTNER is a lawyer and public policy professional with Cerebral Palsy Spastic Diplegia and Retinopathy of Prematurity. Cartner has a background in public health, disability, and education law and policy. He received his J.D. from Quinnipiac University School of Law and his B.A. in Political Science from the University of North Carolina Wilmington. Cartner currently lives in Washington D.C. where he works as Director of Access Policy for the Muscular Dystrophy Association. In this role he works to ensure greater access to therapies, devices, insurance, and specialists for those with neuromuscular diseases by conceiving of and enacting public policy efforts.

It is true that while we [women] might not have been the first to serve our country, nor will we be the last, that doesn’t mean that our service wasn’t extraordinary in its own way.

WOMEN IN WAR UNSHARED STORIES OF WOMEN BEHIND

THE LINES

I have recently gained a love for war poetry and military stories especially work written by female veterans I have recently gained a love for war poetry and military stories especially work written by female veterans. Although, it is sad to say that there are very few books to choose from a military woman’s perspective.

Recently I finished a memoir touted as the "female enlisted experience" and the "military woman's war experience," unfortunately, I couldn't relate at all to the other servicewoman's story even though I fall into both the enlisted and combat categories, too.

Afterward, I felt compelled to start writing poetry/stories of my own because they differed greatly from the stories I have read thus far. This piece pairs with the photo on the page prior to this…

The Replacement

Attached to the 22nd MEU last minute. An unwanted & unwelcome replacement. Not one of “them” because I missed the shared misery of all the simulations, field ops, and pre-deployment workups. An outcast.

Just a body to fill a billet. Female Corpsman? Check.

It is true that while we [women] might not have been the first to serve our country, nor will we be the last, that doesn't mean that our service wasn't extraordinary in its own way. Therefore, I encourage every servicewoman to tell her stories. Because if you or I don't, someone else will, and if it isn't an accurate representation of what we went through, then no one will know because of the lack of information to draw comparisons or differences.

Don't let me or anyone speak on behalf of an entire demographic. Let's show the world how unique the female military experience truly is. Mine starts with a deployment to Afghanistan; where does yours begin?

www.awarenessties.us/lori-butierries

LORI BUTIERRIES is a full-time caregiver to two children with special needs, one child being terminally ill and physically disabled. Lori uses her life experiences and the medical knowledge she gained while serving as a Hospital Corpsman in the United States Navy to help others facing similar hardships. Lori focuses primarily on advocating for and educating others about the special needs, mental health, and veterans communities. Her long-term goal is to reduce the stigma associated with disability by talking about it with people of all ages, thus minimizing the fear and the mystery attributed to the unknown in this regard.

‘SCARRED NOT BROKEN’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY LORI BUTIERRIES

I think when we take leaps of faith… that’s when the magic happens.

BETH BOWEN ACTRESS, MODEL & PAINTER

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH BETH BOWEN

YOUR CANVAS A LIFE PAINTED WITH PASSION

An actor, a model, a mother and a painter, Beth Bowen’s life is a canvas with many shades and many layers. While she lives in Southern California, her work has lived around the world with her paintings exhibited at The Louvre in Paris, Vienna and this month in New York’s Times Square. With the one life she’s been given, she’s recreated it several times.

ALLIÉ: At the age of 12, with a love for acting, you joined an improv team at school. From there, you went on to model and act. You were seen on tv, in film and in print. With regard to your time in front of the camera, what was your favorite role as an actress and your favorite shoot as a model?

BETH: My favorite role was on the Jamie Fox Show, and that's actually how I got my SAG card. My dear friend, Suli McCullough, who actually directed the Oscars the famous night will Smith slapped Chris Rock, he was instrumental in me getting my SAG card. He was like, "You have to come on the show." He was one of the cast members. He's like, "I'll set up casting. We have to find a part for you." Fantastic. So, I go in and, well, Jamie Fox never goes on script. They're like, "Right when he says, "Can we get the check?" I was the waitress, that's my cue to go on. Well, he never asked for the check. I'm on the side, like, "Everything okay?" They're like, "It's not your part yet." And they had a cut and people were like, "Go, go, go!" I'm like, "Well, he's not asking for the check." It was like 15 takes later and they cut

Nobody knew I painted, by the way. Nobody.

“It didn’t break me, it made me.”

BETH: (continued) movie with Billy Zane, Blood of Redemption. That was cool. I don't know why they hired me to be a scientist. I don't look like a scientist. And then favorite modeling, Gap. I did a Gap campaign when I was 13.

ALLIÉ: Well, we've got to love the Gap. Let's talk numbers. Specifically, let's talk ages. At the age of 23, you were married. You were married. And at the age of 32, by then you had four children. At 34, you filed for divorce. Life as a single parent is not easy. For you, Beth, what was the hardest part about being a single mom?

BETH: Well, to back up a little bit, my mom passed away in 2013. And not only was she my best friend, someone I spoke to two, three times a day, it really highlighted the fact that life is so short. And that even though my situation was terrifying because I didn't have a career and I was completely financially dependent to my ex-husband or husband at the time, it was terrifying to leave without knowing if there was going to be any sort of security, stability in the future. There wasn't like a net that was going to catch me if I were to jump. I had to have blind faith that I was going to figure it out. And I did. The toughest part is adjusting. I mean, I literally left a very cushioned situation—l was living in Palos Verdes, we had a beautiful home, lots of comforts came along with that—to nothing.

I think in times of adversity, you really see what you're capable of. For me, I was resourceful. I leaned on the community and worked and found odd jobs and said yes to almost any and every opportunity. A dear friend let me rent his guest house. I mean, it was like all these things came together and doors started to open. I think when we take leaps of faith and we're courageous, that's when the magic happens. At one point, I reached out to my old agent. I'm like, "Send me out anything that comes in that you think I would be good for." And as much as I saw myself as a Meryl Streep, I got called in for like every reality show there was. And I ended up taking one. I joined the Cast one Bravo, There Goes the Motherhood. And yeah, things started to work themselves out.

ALLIÉ: Well, I love how you make that point that is so true. When we're in these hard situations, that's where magic does happen. So anytime when things get hard, you can prepare and say, "Okay, here it comes," because you know it's coming.

BETH: Oh, yeah. And once you get through it, it's like, it didn't kill me. It didn't break me, it made me. It's so cliché, but it makes you so much stronger. Like, yeah, I got this. I'm good. I'm a badass. My kids will know like, you're good, I got you. We'll figure this out. And it happened. Things came together.

ALLIÉ: That is awesome. Well, you're a painter. Let's talk about shades. The shades of our lives are generally a result of the shifts that we make. So my question now is, when was it that you shifted your focus from acting/modeling to painting? When did that happen?

BETH: Well, the TV show that I was on got canceled and then I was in a four-year relationship that I didn't see ending. And when it did, it threw me so far off that I was literally in my, I guess, pre-midlife crisis. Because I was 38 and went through a devastating breakup and I didn't have a career. I'm still a single mom and I do have my four amazing kids, but I didn't know what the heck I was supposed to do. Some people are like, "Well, what's your purpose?" Or, "What's your calling?" I didn't know. And therapy was so expensive. I'm a therapy junkie. I love therapy. But I started watching YouTube tutorials and painting.

One of the executive producers of the show circled back with me and she's like, "Beth, what are you doing?" I'm like, "I'm painting." And she's like, "Send me something." She's left Bravo, and I guess was working for Nat Geo, and I painted something for her producing partner. I did a black and white abstract and incorporated newspaper and framed it and sent it off. And she's like, "I don't know what you did, but you're an artist and you need to paint." And I'm like, "I am?" So I'm like, "I'm going to have a gallery showcase. I'm going to invite 200 of my closest friends and family and just announce it.” Nobody knew I painted, by the way. Nobody. I just did a Facebook announcement and Instagram like, "Hey, I'm having a gallery showcase. Come check it out." And all of a sudden, it was like, "Wow, you're doing this. I love your stuff. This is great." I'm like, “Fantastic!”

BETH: (continued) It was amazing to have this response from friends and family. And then the curator of the show said, "I really want to help you." I said, "You do?" Like, it's LA! People say that nobody helps anybody. He is like, "I really like the color." I didn't even know what my style was. I just did a bunch of different pieces. I didn't even know what a curator was. So when he's like, "I'm the curator," I'm like, "Great. What do you do?" I knew nothing.

When half of my pieces sold that night, I assumed it was one-and-done. Then he said he would call me two weeks later and he said, "I have another show with international artists from all over. I think your piece, Mermaid Lagoon, would be fantastic." I didn't know you had to name pieces either, so I just made them up on the cuff as I was delivering them. So I'm going through, and I'm like, "Which one is Mermaid Lagoon? Oh, it didn't sell. It's available. Awesome." And it sold that night.

So, Gabriel Fine Arts of London was the gallery. It was their show for Chris Riggs who also does the love, love, love in repetition out of Germany. And since my piece sold, she asked, "Do you have any pieces 12 by 24? Because we're going to Art Basel next." And I'm like, "Yeah, definitely." I didn't. I made them that night and I bubble-wrapped them and took a blow dryer. And don't judge, but I only knew that Art Basel was a big deal because I was folding laundry to Keeping Up With the Kardashians and they were all flying out to Art Basel. It was the Academy Awards of Art. And I'm like, "Oh, this is a big deal. I've got to go." I made sure that I had three pieces ready for them.

At Art Basel, I was connected with an East Coast agent. He came by where my art was and was inquiring about me. So he helped me get into LA Art Show with the gallery out of New York, New York Art Expo and Art Santa Fe. And then from there, I got connected with the Steiner Gallery in Austria and PAKS Gallery in Austria. And through them, I submitted to Cannes Film Fest & Monaco and the Louvre. And I got into all of them.

The Louvre was amazing because it was a modern art masters for a month at the Carrousel du Louvre. It was amazing. I flew out there, of course. And my piece is still in Europe. It's actually in a museum in Austria right now. But in one year, to go from YouTube to the Louvre… it was so surreal.

ALLIÉ: That is wild. YouTube tutorials to the Louvre in a year. You move fast, girl. I'm still trying to process…

BETH: No, me too. And what was so cool also is that it was so clear. With the universe aligning, doors were just opening. I'm like, "Okay, I get it. I'm supposed to be doing this. Okay, I hear you, universe." It was one of those things that I just was like... I mean, I guess it's all about timing. I jokingly say I wish I would have found this out 20 years ago, but maybe it wouldn't have been right 20 years ago. I think it's just something that was right here and now. My story wouldn't have been the same. Because how I came up with YOUR LIFE YOUR CANVAS is I was on a flight leaving Paris wondering, how the heck did this happen? How did I get here? What am I going to do next? What is next? And I had this vision of how many times my life has taken a pivot or where I thought, "Oh, this is what I'm going to do….Just kidding, that didn't work out.” Or, "Oh, now I'm going to do this TV show." Well, it gets canceled. "Oh, now I'm going to do art." So the meaning behind YOUR LIFE YOUR CANVAS (the ones with the stripes, with the paintbrush going down) is that we may only have this one life, but we can recreate it as many times as we'd like. That's what I think is the powerful statement, especially for women and women contemplating divorce, career change, moving, whatever. We can do it. You're going to be okay. You have to take that leap of faith.

I think the negative dialogue that we have with ourselves is what kills dreams. I think we are our own worst enemies by what we tell ourselves. For me, I have zero formal training. I'm like, no business. How is this happening? This is amazing. And then it's like, what are they going to say? No? Well, you just submit. You just knock on doors. You make cold calls. You ask if there's a possibility or an opportunity. You've just have to go for it.

ALLIÉ: Well, it's phenomenal. In this world, often, it's who you know and not what you know. In the art world, it's also where you show. You just listed so many amazing places where your work has been featured. In what location di you feel like your work came to life the most?

BETH: God, there's been so many opportunities that have really stood out. I mean, obviously, the Louvre is beyond epic… Getting the call that my art was going to be mass produced at Home Goods was a dream come true because it was my mom's favorite store and my favorite store. When she would come to visit, we loved the little treasure hunt at

BETH: (continued) Home Goods. We would buy stuff for my place… She loved Home Goods. I wish I could make a call to Heaven and be like, "Hey, you won't believe it. It's so crazy. I'm an artist and I'm in Home Goods." What?! It's so crazy. It just makes me smile. That was amazing.

I've had a lot of incredible opportunities with my art agent, CEO, Eddie Donaldson. My original YOUR LIFE YOUR CANVAS, Neil Diamond bought. Eddie also set me up with a Coachella installation that was really cool, and then an installation for the World Cup. There's been so many awesome opportunities that I've had. I like when Eddie pushes me. He's like, "Hey, can you do it?" I’m like, "Yes." He's like, "Are you sure?" I'm like, "I'm doing it. I'm going to show you I can do it." I like that he gives me these opportunities that he knows I've never done before. And he is like, "What are you going to do with it?" I'm like, "Watch."

ALLIÉ: So this goes into my next question because, as we all know, they say that teamwork makes the dream work. I saw a post that you had done where you quoted Henry Ford by saying, "Coming together is the beginning, keeping together is progress, and working together is success." So when it comes to you and Eddie with this teamwork here, where did you two meet?

BETH: It's funny. A mutual friend of ours contacted me one day and I literally was filling out an application for on Indeed because COVID had happened. The world shut down. Art is not a necessity when people don't know if they're going to lose a loved one, their careers, and whatever. So it was like, all of a sudden, all of my income came to a grinding halt. Just the uncertainty and the unknown, what was going on during that time after 2020. So it was 2021.

He's like, "What are you doing?" I'm like, “I think I need to find a nine-to-five. This isn't working." And he's like, "Absolutely not. Do not give up. You've done way too much." And I'm like, "Well, I don't know, I've lost the direction. I don't know where I'm going and it's really scary. It's a scary time." He's like, "You've got to talk to my buddy, Eddie. He's the best. He's been in the art world for 30 years. He works with the biggest guys in the game. This will be so great for you. He has a lot of street artists, graffiti artists, but I think this will be a good look for him as well because you're coming in with such a different..." He's like, "I think this will be great." I'm like, "Okay, wonderful. Let's set it up." And he did.

At first, I think Eddie was like, "I'm not sure about this girl." He's like, "Bring something small." It was Love LA. And I brought two small pieces and then I also had just-in-case pieces that were like 36 by 36. And then one of them sold right away. It was like the first to sell in Malibu. And then my smaller one sold. And he's like, "All right, who is this girl?" He's like, "All right, let's give her a shot.”

ALLIÉ: That's wild. I love that you brought the bigger pieces too. So let's talk about where recovery is an art because there you will find Artists for Trauma. Beth, I'd love for you to share your connection with this incredible organization that is a community of fellow travelers. How are you involved there with the work that they're doing and the work that you're doing?

BETH: I feel my connection was, especially for me… I was in a very unhealthy marriage. I think, all too often, we feel trapped, especially if we don't have a career. And it's overcoming adversity. It's taking a leap of faith. For me, my adversity is different. I mean, my body wasn't physically…

ALLIÉ: You had a different kind of trauma.

BETH: Yeah. But it's still scary nonetheless. And it is recreating yourself, reinventing yourself from ground zero. That was the connection. I didn't have support. Like, since I was 12 years old, my dad was severely head injured and has the rationale of a nine-year-old. Then my mom passed away, and I was on my own. I had no one to help me. My brother had his own family and all of my friends had their families. Nobody was like, "Hey, let me drive your kids and my kids to school so you can get a job." I couldn't afford a nanny. I couldn't afford someone to pick up my kids. So who's hiring me for three hours a day that's going to support myself and four kids? Not happening. It was really terrifying. And I feel like it's being able to show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel to get on the other side. Things are possible. And hopefully, that'll encourage others in my story in some way.

YOUR CANVAS

ALLIÉ: Absolutely it does. You already spoke about the piece that many people recognize your work through -- YOUR LIFE YOUR CANVAS. I love that between the stripes, there's depth and dimension, and then there's your iconic red brush. I'd love to hear more about that story. I remember when I first saw that piece and seeing all these bold, colorful stripes, and then this brush that just painted white. It's almost as if it was creating space, like opening it up. I'd love for you to speak more about it. It's such a phenomenal series.

BETH: Well, thank you. Yeah, it's creating space, starting over. It's having boundaries. It's adjusting. The white is clean slate. I use a red paintbrush all the time for good luck. It also is kind of like the yin and yang. It's like right when you think everything's going great, things can change. But it's okay, and change can be great. Yes, it's terrifying, but it can be great… It's like you have to take that risk. And had I not taken the leap of faith, I would've never known that this was what I'm supposed to be doing.

I was talking with my daughter the other day. She wants to be a film major and she wants to do film editing. She's like, "But I'm not sure you know about financial stability. I should probably go into pharmaceutical sales because I have a friend that says she's making such and such a year." I'm like, "Why? Do you love it? I mean, I don't think you can describe yourself as a people person. Why would you go into pharmaceutical sales? You could also lose your job in pharmaceutical sales. But what if you did something that you love and you actually end up doing something great and epic with it, and it's like icing on the cake that you get to get paid for something you love to do?” A part of this whole collection is ‘live your best life’. We only have one. My mom passed away when I was 33. My kids and I are robbed of having her. We have this one opportunity, so go for it. Go all in. Put fear in the backseat. Don't care what anyone thinks. They're not paying your bills. Leave all that toxic negative narrative out of your head and go for it. Because, what? You could actually land on your feet and win.

ALLIÉ: Right. Too often people say, "But what if it doesn't work out?" But what if it does? So let's end our conversation this way… Your words, Beth: "We have only one life, but we can create it many times. We can start over." That being said, for those who are afraid of starting over, what words would you like to leave with them?

BETH: That it will work out. You have to wait out the storm, but the sun always shines. Light overpowers darkness. Things will work out. Having blind faith is real and it happens. And I can't stress enough to keep the faith, keep the positive mentality. Write down the goals. And it's so amazing to see them come to fruition when you write it down and you see it happening. It's not a sprint, it's a marathon. Keep going. Live your passion and doors will open. The right people will come into your life when you're living your authentic self. It just happens. The universe answers. It's crazy. It's real. I'm not a weird person. I'm not crazy. I'm telling you this. It really is real… it's so surreal. I'm a firm believer that if you vibrate on a high level, you attract it. If you say, "I want this and this is going to happen," it happens. ∎

How beautifully fragile are we, that so many things can take but a moment to alter who we are for forever?

‘RELEASE THE GENIE’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY

BRAIN INJURY 101 A GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING ABIs

Release The Genie Fact: The Genie knows what the floating objects are in the skies above.

We are all just a car crash, a diagnosis, an unexpected phone call, a newfound love, or a broken heart away from becoming a completely different person.

How beautifully fragile are we, that so many things can take but a moment to alter who we are for forever?

March is brain injury awareness in the US and in June for Canada. Personally, March is always a dif ficult, bittersweet month. On the one hand, I get to raise awareness for brain injuries, but on the other hand, it is the month I received my own brain injury on the 19th of March 2018. In this article, I thought I would take a different approach and try and explain some of the terminology and basics of a brain injury.

All brain injuries are known as ABIs which stands for Acquired Brain Injury. ABIs include, but are not limited to, anoxia, infections, strokes, tumours and metabolic disorders.

A subcategory of an ABI is a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). A TBI can either be an open (Penetrating injury) or a closed injury (Internal Injury).

The following statistics always shock me. In the US, a person sustains a brain injury every 9 seconds. There are approximately 5.3 million people in the US living with a disability related to a brain injury. That is one in every 60 people. More than 3.6 million Americans annually sustain an ABI. At least 2.8 million Americans annually sustain a TBI. (Source: Brain Injury Association of America www.biausa.org).

As shocking as these figures are, there are also a large number of brain injuries, especially in areas such as domestic violence and child abuse, that are never reported.

Studies in Canada have shown the long lasting effects of a brain injury. 60% of survivors suffer from anxiety or depression. The risk of suicide increases by 400%, addiction by 200%. There is a higher risk of incarceration. 80% of prisoners have a brain injury. There is also a higher chance of job loss and homelessness. 52% of homeless people have a brain injury.

Brain injuries are classified as either mild, moderate or severe. The severity is determinate by using the Glasgow Coma Scale (GCS). The scale ranges from 3 to15 with 3 being the most serious to 15 being the least serious. The CGS contains three main components in its assessment; ocular response, verbal response and motor response. A mild brain injury scores between 13 - 15, a moderate injury between 9 - 12 and a severe injury less than 8.

Loss of consciousness is also a factor. For a injury to be classified as mild, there may be a loss of consciousness from 0 to 15 minutes. Together with an expected post traumatic amnesia of up to an hour. For a moderate injury, loss of consciousness is between 15 mins and 6 hours, with amnesia of 1 - 24 hours. A severe injury loss of consciousness is 6 to 48 hours with amnesia of 24 - 7 days. A very serious injury is loss of consciousness of greater than 48 hours with amnesia of over 7 days.

BRAIN INJURY 101

Whilst I have always strived and prided myself on getting the best scores on any tests or exams, my own GCS score was outstanding for all the wrong reasons. A score of 3, a 7% chance of survival, 10-day coma and amnesia of months. The reason I detail this is to answer many questions I have seen online in relation as to whether recovery is possible. I am a living proof and hope that someone with a GCS score of 3 can make some sort of recovery despite the many challenges.

Approximately 75% of TBIs seen in emergency departments are mild cases. One myth I wish to burst is the word “mild.” A concussion is a concussion. The word mild only relates to the fact that the injury is not life-threatening at that time and as a reference on the GCS. Concussions are very common for those who play contact sports. Most athletes who suffer from a mild traumatic brain injury make a full recovery. However, the big danger lies in the short term after sustaining the first injury.

Research shows that someone who has already received one concussion is 1-2 times more likely to receive a second one. The risk of multiple concussions increases with each injury. This is why many sports now have strict “Return to Play” concussion protocols. In the worst case scenario, there is a rare condition called Second Impact Syndrome (SIS). This occurs when two concussions happen in a relatively short period of time, and the second concussion is inflicted before the first has fully healed. The severity of the concussion often does not matter. Even two mild concussions, if they happen in close enough proximity, can result in SIS. This causes the brain to “lose its ability to self-regulate pressure and blood volume flowing” and causes rapid and severe brain swelling.

Always keep in mind that no two injuries are alike. Each injury, like its recovery, is as individual as we are. And behind those injuries are humans who wish to be seen for who they are.

“I am more than my Brain Injury” - BIAA ∎

www.awarenessties.us/paul-rogers

PAUL S. ROGERS is a keynote public speaking coach, “Adversity to hope, opportunity and prosperity. “ Transformation expert, awareness Hellraiser, life coach, Trauma TBI, CPTSD mentor, train crash and cancer survivor, public speaking coach, Podcast host “Release the Genie” & Best-selling author. His journey has taken him from from corporate leader to kitesurfer to teacher on first nations reserve to today. Paul’s goal is to inspire others to find their true purpose and passion.

I’d leave a light on for you, but you supply your own.

‘JUST BURT STORIES’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY BURT KEMPNER

MY BETTER HALF

She was fluent in kindness and spoke several dialects of compassion. When playgrounds taunts and threats reduced me to impotent tears, she gave me comfort. When my imaginary friend came to visit she set out an extra place setting. She wouldn’t let me pass a flower without stopping to linger over its shape and color. When it rained hard and worms writhed helplessly on the surface and I raised my foot to strike, she halted me in mid-stomp. She taught me how to laugh at things that were funny, not cruel.

I think I was six or seven when she began to die, when others started telling me she wasn’t a suitable playmate. Even my parents turned on her, gently but insistently. “Boys don’t…” “Boys never…” Her outline grew fainter, her voice thinner as her influence began receding farther and farther into the distance.

I still have a number of keepsakes of her, my feminine me. When I open myself to being vulnerable and discover it’s not as awful as I’ve been told for most of my life. When I gathered my child to my side, not because he was my heir but because he simply was. When my first instinct is to relate instead of conquer.

She was drummed out of me and I let it happen because they let me know what was in store for me if I didn’t. But now I have 75 years under my belt and I don’t give a damn what they think or what they’ll do.

Come back to me. Please. More than ever before, I need your wisdom, your strength and your bottomless love. You know where to find me, sweet exile. I’d leave a light on for you, but you supply your own.

BURT KEMPNER is a writer-producer who has worked professionally in New York, Philadelphia, Washington, D.C., and Florida. His work has won numerous major awards, and has been seen by groups ranging in size from a national television audience in the United States to a half-dozen Maori chieftains in New Zealand. Spurred by his love for inspiring young people, he started writing children's books in 2015. Learn more about Burt and his books at his website: www.burtkempner.com.

Her words and actions were heard & felt by many.

‘THE WRITING ON THE WALL’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY EDDIE DONALDSON GLORIA HER MEMORY & WORDS LIVE ON

Gloria was a beautiful, kind, caring human.

My mother showed up regularly for those in her life.

Her words and actions were heard and felt by many. I remember as a child the comfort I felt when she spoke.

I hope Gloria’s words will be felt by you as well.

EDDIE DONALDSON

GuerillaOne x The Seventh Letter www.awarenessties.us/eddie-donaldson

Louisville, Kentucky native Eddie Donaldson moved to Los Angeles in 1986 and became involved with the graffiti movement as an alternative to the turbulent gang activity of his generation. Immersed first as an artist amongst diverse L.A. crews like TCF, AWR, and The Seventh Letter, Donaldson had the vision to develop their homegrown graffiti movement into something beyond the streets. His loyalty and business sensibility transformed the graffiti scene and he evolved into the point person for producing art events and exhibitions that inspire and spread the stylistic of southern California art into the world.

He hid behind that smile…

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH DIANE JOHNSON

THE STIGMA BOOK

A MOTHER’S STORY OF LOSING HER SON & FINDING HER VOICE

I first met Diane Johnson at a ‘Run Drugs Out Of Town’ event that Jack, myself and our kids volunteered at here in Owosso, MI. We were there to help set up, and I was there to take photos. In looking through lens at people in the crowd, I saw woman at one of the tables holding a binder with a photo on the cover close to her chest. I introduced myself and asked permission to take her photo. I then asked about her binder and the photo on the cover. “This is my son, Ryan. He’s why I’m here. He died of an overdose. This is the book I made to share his story.”

ALLIÉ: Will you tell me about your book?

DIANE: (continued) I made this book for Ryan. I call it a stigma book. 16 years ago, this was my stigma book. Back then, they didn't call it ‘stigma’. They called it judgment. People judged.

And so when I went back to work, I went and asked my administrator if I could put this book out. I wanted them to know Ryan. I wanted them to know his heart. I wanted them to know how he loved his family, how he loved his son, how he loved his mom… because he loved his mom. I just wanted to share his life with people because people do judge. They don't understand the person behind the struggle.

In 2006, when Ryan passed away, I was on my way to Meijer in town, and there was a sign on somebody's front lawn that said, "Welcome home, dad." He was coming home from Iraq. The sign said, "Welcome home, dad." And as I passed, I honked the horn. And when I honked the horn, emotion just came over me to think that Jacob didn't get to have his daddy come home. His daddy fought a different battle. Ryan didn't go to Iraq. He fought his battle in Shiawassee County.

ALLIÉ: Please tell me about Ryan's smile.

DIANE: My son had the most… In his book, I talk about his smile. He hid behind that smile, and he had a lot of pain, a lot of pain in his heart. And he self-medicated. He ended up dying of an overdose of Fentanyl. We got a phone call on August 31st, 2006, from the hospital saying that our son was on life support and that we needed to get to the hospital. When we got there, we didn't know, but Ryan chose to be a donor. And that was the compassion of my son.

When we went to go sign the papers for our son to be a donor, I remember they wanted our signature, and I signed it, mom… I was mom. I didn't sign it ‘Diane Johnson’. But I signed it, ‘Mom’. And that was his heart. I said, "He gave away his tender heart. He gave away his tender heart".

ALLIÉ: Can you share more about Ryan's son?

DIANE: I always say, “This is my Jacob.” You know, he's my joy. I see his daddy in his face, in his eyes. He looks a lot like his daddy. But you know, when you tell a five-year-old that your daddy died… how difficult, how painful that was. As a five-year-old, this little boy taught me so much.

He had wisdom, childlike wisdom. I remember him telling me, "Mama, hold me". He said, "My heart feels like a million pounds, and I'm tired". And I thought that's what grief feels like. You're just so tired, and your heart is so heavy.

“I just wanted to share his life with people because people do judge. They don’t understand the person behind the struggle.”

“I need to be Ryan’s voice.”

ALLIÉ: What do you want parents to know, Diane?

DIANE: My son died of a prescription drug, Fentanyl, back in 2006 that was sold on the streets. Now they have Fentanyl… Rainbow Fentanyl looks like SweeTarts. How are we going to save our children? We need to know. We need to educate ourselves.

When I retired, I had to retire. I told myself, I'm 65 years old, and I need to retire because I'm getting older. I need to do this. I need to speak out. I need to be Ryan's voice. I need to be his voice and to be able to speak and try to let people know that there are so many resources out there today compared to what it was when my son was in the battlefield.

There is Families Against Narcotics (www.familiesagainstnarcotics.org). There are peer recovery coaches. There are family recovery coaches. There are so many people rising up. People are rising up right now to help save our kids. We've got to do something. We really need to come together as a community to help save our children, to educate our children, not to just say ‘no’. Back then, they used to have the DARE program. Who would ‘Say No To Drugs’… We need to ‘know’ about drugs. They need to know.

We're not an island. We can't do it by ourselves. We need each other. So don't ever give up. Don't ever give up. Keep hoping. You keep praying, and you keep loving your kids. You keep loving them. ∎

I had to let her think she was going off into the big wide world and then I followed her. I love her.

ELIZABETH BLAKE-THOMAS DIRECTOR, WRITER & CO-FOUNDER OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER ENTERTAINMENT

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ELIZABETH & ISABELLA BLAKE-THOMAS

LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER A CONVERSATION ON ‘CARALIQUE’

Co-Founders of Mother & Daughter Entertainment, Elizabeth & Isabella BlakeThomas produce with the purpose of making content that matters. Today we discuss one of their recent films, Caralique, about a determined, young fashion designer looking to bring color to the people around her. Constantly being told no, Caralique must learn to stick to her instincts and continually try again in order to achieve her childhood dreams. In this conversation with mother and daughter, we discuss their film and their relationship.

ALLIÉ: Relationships between mothers and daughters, they span between best friends and worst enemies. I'm curious to know where on that spectrum the two of you fit.

ELIZABETH: Well, should we tell them a secret?

ISABELLA: Well, what is it?

ELIZABETH: I'm in her house because…

ISABELLA: Oh, yeah. That's not a secret.

I look at it as every ‘no’ is leading me closer to a ‘yes’.

ELIZABETH BLAKE-THOMAS DIRECTOR, WRITER & CO-FOUNDER OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER ENTERTAINMENT

ISABELLA: You followed me. So I moved out nearly two years ago. Wow. It's been nearly two years.

ELIZABETH: I know.

ISABELLA: And then she followed me. So she currently sleeps on my living room floor on the spare mattress I have.

ELIZABETH: And I miss her…

ISABELLA: But it defeats the purpose of moving out... We just moved together.

ELIZABETH: I had to let her think she was going off into the big wide world and then I followed her. I love her.

ISABELLA: Yes. We have a fantastic relationship. On my phone, she's in my phone as 'My Bestest Friend.

ELIZABETH: And in mine, she's 'My Favorite Child’.

ISABELLA: Well, I have to clarify. I had to clarify because she's got Chai (her dog).

ELIZABETH: Chai's asleep now. Chai's not interested.

ISABELLA: But yes, we have an amazing relationship, and I'm very fortunate and I think…

ELIZABETH: I was about say that.

ISABELLA: It's like I'm related to you. But I do think there was a moment where I almost took it for granted because during Covid... Well, because during Covid I wasn't seeing other people's relationships. And I was like, "Oh, we just have a good relationship. That's normal." And then we came out of Covid and I saw friends of mine with their mums and their parents. I went, "Oh. No, we actually have a really good relationship. It's very much above average.”

ELIZABETH: I'm above average.

ISABELLA: Yeah, you're very special.

ALLIÉ: It's so beautiful just watching the two of you together. So, you two have overcome a lot together, both personally, professionally. What would you say, and I'd like to hear from both of you individually, what has been the hardest obstacle that you've faced together?

ISABELLA: I think just…

ELIZABETH: I would say life actually.

ISABELLA: The rain... Oh, yours is more deep.

ELIZABETH: Yeah. Rain, definitely. I'm very depressed when it's raining. No, life. And I don't mean that in a kind of like, "Oh, that's a very easy answer." But every time we experience something, there is something to learn from it. And right now it's kind of like a working backward situation where I believed 18, all good, off to the world she goes. And actually now…

ISABELLA: Surprise!

ELIZABETH: She's still here. No, but it's... It's something that we do together. So I never feel like it's something on its own that we then face. It's kind of, we are just as one symbiosis. That means, let's say at the moment if there was a friend issue or I've got a relationship issue, or a work issue... There's always something that we then work towards sorting, don't we?

ISABELLA: I think in addition to that, for me, I think the thing that we've overcome the most is the opposition from people for doing what we do. It's constant sort of... I don't want to use the word 'adversity' because I feel like we are doing pretty all right. But it's like our mini adversities. It's our ‘adversitinos'.

ELIZABETH: Oh, I love that word.

ISABELLA: Italian.

ELIZABETH: Adversitinos... But you're right, it is absolutely like that. It is the feeling that... You homeschooled. You live with your daughter still. Oh, now you're living with your daughter.

ISABELLA: Moving to LA.

ELIZABETH: You've gone off and lived on your own. Oh, that was a big thing. Everyone was like, she's only 18...19. What's she doing?

ISABELLA: Not going off to university.

ELIZABETH: Not going to university... Doing things the way we do. You're right.

ISABELLA: Just being a single mum in general. I think as well, there's a lot.

ELIZABETH: It's constant.

ISABELLA: Oh, acting. I mean, you get... Even now as an adult, when I tell people I started acting when I was four, the immediate responses... There's two responses. There's either people who are like me who go, "Oh my gosh, yeah, me too." Or the people that go, "Oh, you were a child actor.”

ELIZABETH: Which is probably why we then are so close -- because it is constant. So if we weren't together, we would've been knocked down a long time ago.

ISABELLA: Yeah. Well, I do think about that. I think especially for us, L.A. was right. And if we'd been anywhere else... and I mean anywhere else. Honestly, I think L.A. Is where we needed to be for what we wanted to do and who we wanted to be as well.

ELIZABETH: And I will say, although we look like we are as one, we are very different people. I mean, she says to me all the time, "I can't believe you're still alive." Because of the way I just... I live a very different life really.

ISABELLA: She nearly burned my house down the other day with the oven. So, it's going well.

ELIZABETH: I can't cook.

It’s knowing when to ignore the ‘no’ and keep pushing.

ISABELLA BLAKE-THOMAS ACTRESS, PRODUCER & CO-FOUNDER OF MOTHER AND DAUGHTER ENTERTAINMENT

ALLIÉ: So, the two of you have worked on so many projects. Of all the projects that you've worked on together, again I'd like to hear from each of you, what was your absolute favorite and why?

ELIZABETH: Well, I actually love the last one. The film 'Karmas A B-i-t-c-h'. (I don't know if you're allowed to say that word.) But it was a phenomenal experience because you wrote it, produced it, cast it, starred in it. And all I did was direct it. And so that was the most 'team' that we've done in a project. It was brilliant. I mean there was not one single moment of anything bad. We've learnt what we like, how to work with each other. <laugh> So yeah, that would be... but I really want to know what your other one is.

ISABELLA: Well, no, I actually had two excluding that one because I'm thinking like past. Because I agree with that... One is 'The League of Legend Keepers'. I loved working on that because it was almost just like doing it for fun. It was all our friends involved... Actually, so was 'Karma' just on a new level, I guess. It was just the 'OG' friends one. So, we had our friends involved. It was a really fun project. We got some really fun locations, and we were figuring it out as we sort of went on. That was the first time we had everyone staying in a house really together. And that's what we do now. And then the other one actually was 'Just Swipe' because I was first AD'ing for you. And I loved that experience because I got to be on the side of the camera that you are.

ELIZABETH: Yes, you were really good.

ISABELLA: Oh, thank you. And it was just a really exciting experience because first of all, I appreciated that where I was still learning, you were obviously forgiving because you are my mum. And you know, that at the end of the day, I was learning. I wasn't having to be concerned that it was, I don't know, Steven Spielberg. And I'm sitting there going, "Oh my God, what am I doing? What am I doing?!" <laugh> Even though I knew what I was doing, any moments I was figuring it out, we would work as a team to sort of figure that out together. Also as a director, since then I've worked with some directors that have no idea what 'time' is.

ELIZABETH: Again, you've become appreciative. Just like she said about when she realized, "Oh, actually, this is not a normal mother-daughter relationship. I'm very lucky." And I have that.

ISABELLA: Well, now I'm nervous to go onto other sets of first AD because I'm like, "God, they're not going to do anything. They're going to be terrible and late..." Because I'm so used to this now. So those were my two.

ALLIÉ: Well, those are all wonderful responses and all wonderful projects. Speaking of projects, I want to speak specifically about Caralique. First and foremost, love the name. What inspired this film? Where did this come from?

ELIZABETH: So, I was given the script. I was given a script and there was, you know, as people come with scripts. They often come and they need developing. And I saw one element of this script that connected with me that I knew as a woman, as a mother, I could make work. And that was the story of a mother-daughter. So, actually the guy had written this script. And he's a very sweet, but he's a man. He's not a mother. He's not a daughter. He doesn't understand that relationship. So, he then let me rewrite it. And that is the biggest element that I put in there, which is all about a mother-daughter relationship, making sure that they have something strong together. So it came to me, I twisted and turned it and turned it into something that I knew I understood.

ISABELLA: And then from my side of it, I worked very hard on the development with her and the character and who we wanted her to be. I mean, I think the style was a really fun one to do. Her whole just... her vibe was cool. And I think when we got onto set, we were still sort of, as new exciting moments were coming up, as characters, deciding things with the characters. So, we had this beautiful story, but then you and I got to really work together on just finding those little moments of magic and the little bubbles of, of things we could do and play with…

ELIZABETH: Which I continued to do actually in the edit. My editor was great on that -- Matt Dean. He really got it. We were in there and I was like, "This needs to be magic. I want something like 'Amélie'." And again, I chose very specific styles to try and make a very, very, very low budget film work.

ALLIÉ: Well, and I just love how you say, you know, that you wanted to just pull out that magic in those moments and that it really evolved as you were filming and as you were producing. I have to say, I feel like the two of you are both probably a little bit like Caralique, a little bit like that character. So, I'd love to hear from each of you how the other is like this character. So Elizabeth, how is your daughter most like Caralique?

ELIZABETH: Well, it's definitely a case of never giving up. One of my favorite scenes actually in Caralique is when you are doing the pieces of material and dying them. Because she's also like that as a person, arty, creative, what can

ISABELLA: (continued) than 'fighting'. Push for what you want, climb the ladder of whatever your goal is, and work for it. But know when actually this route isn't working. So don't keep walking into a brick wall. I mean the de finition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different reaction. And if you're trying to get to that place and you're like, "Well, I'm not doing the same thing over and over again. I went to this person and this person." But that might be the same thing, and you just don't see it. So take a break just like you would if you were doing like a math problem. Sit back, look at a different route to get there, and then try and get the answer or what you're working for in a different way. Because again, you don't want to just be walking into a brick wall. If you watch someone do that in real life, you'd say, "Excuse me, I think you need to open the door, and not just sort of hit your head against it.

ELIZABETH: So, definitely. Obviously, with Medicine With Words, the biggest thing for me are the words that we use. And 'fighting' is definitely one of those. It's not a good word. 'Hard work' is. The other thing is the amount of no's. I look at it as every no is leading me closer to a yes. I don't know what that yes is, but you're like, "Oh, thank you for that no, because now I'm one step closer to my yes. Thank you for that no, because now it's clearing the way for the people that will be." But I'm also going to to show you something... This has saved everything that I do at the moment. Okay, it's very badly drawn. But this is a pyramid. This is my 'pyramid of purpose'. Okay? I'm going to show you a trick. So, I've now drawn three lines. This foundation space at the bottom is for the thing that you really want. And by the way, this can change constantly. So this could change next week. This could be a pyramid for a day, a week, a year, whatever. This is my current pyramid for five years. I have written on here the film that I'm working on. And this is my baby, okay? And my baby is called 'Sikou'. So, I write Sikou at the bottom.

In the one above it, what I'm going to put are the projects that I own and want to do. So for example, I have a film called 'The Girl WithThe Crooked Smile'. I have a film called 'Love At First Fight'. So they go in that section. In the top one (I'm actually gonna spit it into two) are the films that I've been asked to do. I've been asked to direct something. So, I'm just gonna put that in.

And then in the top one, you'll see I've been asked to direct 'Snake Bit' and the top one is Medicine With Words. That's what I call my icing on the cake... my healing, the things that I do that really ground me. And all around it, I would write lots of words, different words of the things that I want to make sure I achieve. So it could be fun, it could be a good relationship, it could be friends, it could be financial reward, whatever it is. But in life, everything I do right now has to answer one simple question. Does this lead me closer to Sikou? Does this lead me closer to this?

And when you have that very clear question and it might tick something for you, you make very clear decisions. And the reason I'm giving that is because you could do this with a relationship. You could do this in general in life. Because what that does is it means you no longer need to fight for anything. Because today you are asking, would we like to go on a podcast? And I'm thinking, does that lead me closer to Sikou? I'm going to have a lovely time with my daughter. I'm going to connect with Allié. And I'm going to be able to talk about something and show what I love. Totally leads me closer. Brilliant. I will do it. So you have a purpose, a passion, a reason for doing things.

ISABELLA: So, it's saying in a nutshell that even if you're getting no's, as long as the choices you are making that maybe lead you to those no's are in the end leading you to what you actually want (and again, it could be a day, an hour... it could be life), then you're making the right decisions.

ELIZABETH: Exactly. And you won't feel like you are fighting.

ALLIÉ: Right? Just feel like you're pushing forward. Yes?

ELIZABETH: Exactly. ∎

Watch CARALIQUE on Amazon Prime: https://awarenow.us/film/caralique

On Instagram, follow Elizabeth (@elizabeth_b_t) and Isabella (@isabella_b_t).

We fear death because deep down we know we have not yet lived.

EUNICE NUNA SURVIVOR OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE, COUNSELOR, SPEAKER

TIME LIES THOUGHTS ON NOT YET LIVING

We fear death because deep down we know we have not yet lived. Time is a cunning liar. it deceives us by consistently raising the sun in the morning and bringing out the moon at night.

We believe we will always have another day. But the universe warns us by the wrinkles on our face and aches of our bones.

Time will soon run out. Be Kind.

I tend to emphasize our commonalities…what divides us is an illusion.

AALIA LANIUS NOVELIST, SPEAKER, PODCAST HOST & SOCIAL ENTREPRENEUR

DIVERSITY IS EVERYTHING

INTERNATIONAL DAY FOR THE ELIMINATION OF RACIAL DISCRIMINATION

The theme I’ve chosen for this article is "Diversity is Everything." It is a powerful statement that highlights the value and importance of embracing the differences that exist among us. Diversity encompasses a range of characteristics, such as race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, religion, and culture. It is what makes us unique and de fines who we are.

As a multicultural person, I recognize that to a person struggling with accepting diversity, we can offer a perspective that comes from personal experience and understanding of different cultures. Through our work, it is an honor to have the opportunity to promote diversity and encourage people to expand their personal horizon so that they aren’t so wrong in their beliefs about others.

In addition to sharing our own experiences, talking about how own own cultural background has shaped our worldview and how we navigate cultural differences in our daily life is important. It’s imperative to educate and encourage people to respectfully ask questions so that they can understand, learn, and grow.

I tend to emphasize our commonalities, because of my realization that — what divides us is an illusion. It can be challenging to change long-held beliefs and attitudes, but I refuse to give up. I can’t lie and say that being patient and compassionate is on a case-by-case basis at this stage of life, but I want to maintain being a supportive presence to get people to explore new ideas and perspectives.

Despite the undeniable benefits of diversity, it is all too often met with fear and hostility. Racial discrimination is a pervasive problem in our world, perpetuated by ignorance, prejudice, and hate. Discrimination can manifest in many forms, including discrimination in employment, housing, education, and access to healthcare. It can also manifest in violent and destructive ways, such as hate crimes and terrorism.

The consequences of discrimination are devastating and a genuine threat to humanity. It deprives individuals and communities of their basic human rights and dignity, and it perpetuates inequality and social unrest. The fight against racial discrimination is an ongoing battle, and it requires the collective effort and commitment of all of us.

To eliminate racial discrimination, we must first acknowledge that it exists. We must confront our biases and prejudices and challenge the assumptions and stereotypes that we hold. We must learn about other cultures and perspectives and seek to understand and appreciate the differences that make us unique.

Every year on March 21st, the world comes together to mark the International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination. This day serves as a reminder of the harm and injustice that racism and discrimination have in flicted upon individuals and societies around the world.

‘UNSUGARCOATED’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY AALIA LANIUS

the

barriers

But it’s not enough to stand on the sidelines and think loving thoughts, we must also take action to promote diversity and inclusion in all aspects of our society. We must support policies and initiatives that seek to reduce discrimination and inequality and create opportunities for all people. We must work to eliminate the systemic barriers that prevent people from accessing the resources and opportunities they need to succeed.

Most importantly, we must stand together in solidarity against racism and discrimination. We must speak out against hate and violence and support those who are most vulnerable. We must work to create a world where everyone is treated with respect and dignity, regardless of their race, ethnicity, or culture.

In conclusion, diversity is everything. It is what makes us unique, and it is what de fines us as individuals and as a society. Let us embrace and celebrate our differences and work to eliminate racial discrimination in all its forms. Let us commit to creating a world where everyone is treated with fairness, justice, and compassion. Together, we can make this vision a reality. ∎

www.awarenessties.us/aalialanius

AALIA LANIUS is an International Multiple-Award Winning Novelist, Executive Producer, Publisher and host of the award-nominated globally top-rated social good show, UNSUGARCOATED with Aalia. As founder of UNSUGARCOATED Media, a 501(c)(3) media enterprise, Lanius is creating social impact through storytelling while building community, providing education, and ending isolation for trauma survivors. Aalia's role extends to leadership as a creative, and she is considered a thought-leader in approaches to media, believing that artists are pioneers of the human mind with great potential and responsibility to positively in fluence society through proper representation and accountability.

“We must work to eliminate

systemic

that prevent people from accessing the resources and opportunities they need to succeed.”

Even when I’m not being harassed, it can still be hard to exist in anime fandom.

ANNA LINDWASSER WRITER, TEACHER & LIFELONG ANIME FAN

FEMALE FANDOM

BEING A WOMAN WHO LOVES ANIME

I have been an anime fan for most of my life. I’ve been a girl - and later a woman - for all of it. Being a woman in any sort of geeky fandom space is…well, let’s say it’s complicated.

You may have heard of GamerGate, a harassment campaign that took place from 2014-2015. The targets were women who discussed video games from a feminist perspective. These women were insulted, doxxed, and even had their lives threatened for expressing their opinions. The men harassing them believed that these women were threatening their identities as “gamers” and trying to ruin something that they believed belonged exclusively to them.

I have never been harassed to the extent that the victims of GameGate were, but every time I say something critical about anime - especially big shonen series with a lot of loyal male fans - I worry about the possible repercussions. Though many responses to my Ranker articles are positive, I’ve also received many DMs calling me gendered slurs and telling me that I should die because I said something about Attack on Titan, Naruto or Sword Art Online that they don’t agree with. I don’t know how these criticisms would be phrased if I were a man, but I doubt they’d be calling me a c*nt.

Even when I’m not being harassed, it can still be hard to exist in anime fandom. The most popular series are shonen, which means anime aimed at teenage boys. Next to that is seinen, which is aimed at adult men. Anime aimed at girls (shojo) and women (josei) rarely gets as much attention.

This is a problem not just because it’s irritating to have your own demographic constantly dismissed, but because it actually impacts what gets made. Anime studios know that shonen will sell well, so they put their budgets behind those shows at the exclusion of others. That means that anime aimed at women often feature lower quality animation or get cancelled before the story actually finishes. Their lower quality means that they attract fewer fans, which perpetuates the cycle.

But even the ones that are genuinely well done still don’t get much attention from male fans. Meanwhile, most female anime fans watch and enjoy shonen and seinen. But these series are sometimes hard to enjoy. Shonen anime often features “fan service” - that is, panty shots and jiggling breasts attached to female characters. Sometimes these characters are teenagers. Fan service can be demeaning, especially when it’s paired with female characters who are poorly developed or subservient to the male protagonists.

“Fan service can be demeaning, especially when it’s paired with female characters who are poorly developed or subservient to the male protagonists.”

Then there’s the “pervert” archetype - a male character who sexually harasses female characters, but is supposed to be charming or funny. From old school examples like Master Roshi from Dragon Ball to newer characters like Mineta

‘DIRECTION DECODED’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY ARIYA

MY KISS A POETIC PASSAGE

TO EDEN

When the multi-media artwork of Ariya (‘Passage To Eden’) meets the poetry by Jack McGuire (‘My Kiss’), they melt together and make what you hear, see and feel here…

My kiss

Is worth a thousand little heartbeats

Alive and awakened inside your chest

My kiss

Is every breath

You will ever need

My kiss

Will transcend this life

When I surrender my kiss to you

It is very deliberate

And extremely thought out

My kiss Is not given to many

It is a gift I give

To only you

Savour that feeling of ease which can only come from the inside out, rather than the outside in.

DREAM WITHIN A DREAM SEEKING SOLACE WITHIN

Theresa Cheung, dream expert and best-selling author shares, “Your dreams are the language of your soul.” In this AwareNow Magazine exclusive column, ‘The Stuff of Dreams’, every month Theresa decodes a dream submitted by one of our readers.

THE DREAM

I arrived at a ceremony to watch a friend receive an award... A respected mentor who I'm sure doesn't know he's my mentor. When I had to leave along with everyone else, he asked that I stay. So, I did, but only for a short time.

I walked outside and found myself in a city at night where everyone was running from something. I didn't know from what or who. I just started running. I was led into a dark building, in a room and then onto a bus. I fell asleep.

When I awoke, I was back in a dream I had several months ago. I wasn't reliving the dream... but continuing where I left off... even making references in conversation to things that had happened previously in that dream. I was with a group of people in San Francisco, they seemed to be friends and neighbors. Everyone was dirty and dressed in rags, but eating fine food and sharing stories I remembered from the first part of the dream. With a grey sky above, everyone was nervous of what was to come, but I had a sense of ease about where I was. I woke up confused.

THE DREAM DECODED

Dear Marion,

This amazing dream begins with a warning and a lesson for you but ends on a note of incredible wisdom and positivity. Thank you for sharing it as it is a dream that everyone can learn and grow from understanding. It carries an important message for our time.

Having a dream within a dream can suggest that you are not being entirely true to yourself in waking life. There may be some kind of mindset when you are refusing to face a situation or something that you need to understand on a deeper level for your personal growth. The dream within a dream symbolism here suggests that you are trying to convince yourself that everything in your life is perfect or must be but your dreaming mind is calling you out and reminding you that not only is perfection impossible, it is not even desirable. It is through the cracks that the light comes in and you can only learn and evolve by making mistakes or coming to terms with the lessons that negative thoughts and impulses teach.

This could be a dream about the dangers of toxic positivity or spiritual bypassing which is everywhere right now as manifesting has become such a personal growth buzz word again these days. Manifesting is the theory that simply thinking and feeling great will attract miracles your way. While there may be some truth in this as like energy attracts like energy the danger is that whenever you have negative thoughts or feelings you repress or deny them. Spiritual growth is about doing exactly the opposite. It is facing and understanding your shadow, showing compassion towards it, learning from it and then showing true strength of character not by denying negativity but choosing to be positive. But to get to that powerful choice first of all you have to acknowledge those negative feelings and not feel that you have failed by having them. Feeling bad can be good as it helps you recalibrate and raise your vibration.

The ceremony for the friend at the beginning where they receive an award is all about the part of you that still feels the opinion, applause and validation of others matters more than you do. This part of you that relies on externals for validation doesn't want to let you go just yet of your dependency on the material for a sense of self-worth, but thankfully in your dream you choose to walk outside to get some clarity and look within. You discover as you walk around that you are not alone and everyone also struggles to deal with their shadows or negativity and that the impulse to deny or repress negative emotions and be defined by externals is a battle we all face.

Your dream then truly captures your full attention by reentering another dream so you have that dream within a dream scenario to try to let you know that negative feelings are not to be repressed or denied and you are not a failure if you have them. It is asking you to truly look at your mind set to see if there is any lingering self-deception. And when you do look within for understanding and meaning rather than outside yourself you discover that outward show is no longer how you judge yourself and others. The friends in your dream are dressed in rags but they don't care about outward show anymore as they have inner wealth and wellbeing. They eat well and share stories - they have a sense of purpose and meaning in their lives that is not defined by the material. Your dreaming mind is telling you through the symbolism of your poorly dressed by happy friends to find that clarity too and to take a break from being defined by what is superficial.

The dream ends with a grey sky above and you notice others are nervous about an impending storm but your dreaming mind trusts in you. You feel completely at ease. This is because your dreaming mind is con fident that you are evolving right now as long as you don't repress but understand and then learn from negative feelings. The dream ends on such a positive and empowering note for your personal and spiritual growth. Savour that feeling of ease which can only come from the inside out, rather than the outside in. ∎

Have a dream you’d like decoded?

← Scan, tap or click the code to submit your dream to AwareNow. If selected, it will be published in AwareNow Magazine with Theresa’s analysis.

THERESA CHEUNG

Dream Expert & Best-Selling Author

www.theresacheung.com/about-theresa

THERESA CHEUNG is a best-selling author and dream decoding expert who has been researching and writing about spirituality, astrology, dreams, and the paranormal for the past twenty-five years. With a Master's degree from King's College Cambridge University in Theology and English, and several international best-selling books, including two Sunday Times "top 10 bestsellers", Theresa has over 40 published books and cards on topics of the science of cognition to intuition. Her Dream Dictionary from A to Z (Harper Collins) regularly sits at number 1 on its category's Amazon list, and is regarded as a classic in its field.

Just as we have the capacity for empathy, understanding, and generosity, we also can be horrible to one another.

THE INSPIRE PROJECT’

STILL NOT LISTENING TO SCOTT TORRENS PART 1

Scott Torrens, a chef, died in 2014 of a nighttime seizure while sleeping (1). I did not know him, and honestly, it does not matter if I did. What matters is that the following February 2015, his favorite team, a Welsh Professional Association Football Club based in Wrexham, Wales, decided to have a minute of silence before their match against the Chester Football Club. A minute. Sixty seconds of silence. That's all. Within seconds, a single fan of the opposing Chester team screamed, "Scotty's in a box," meaning that Scott is in a coffin. One. Single. Jerk. Seconds later, several other Chester fans joined in. They began to chant, "Scotty's in a box! Scotty's in a box," leading to complete chaos (2). Because of a single person, others followed. This one fan being a total jerk, permitted others to be jerks. A Magistrate described the chaos in the court hearing following the game: "What we have seen is beyond anything that should be seen at a football (soccer) match. We all understand passion, but that was not passion. It was threatening, abusive, and distressing to watch." The result of this behavior led to multiple fines and the banning of fans for a total of 30 years from attending soccer matches. But, as many of you are disgusted by what you have just read, we must ask, are we capable or know someone capable of being that disrespectful or, shall we say, evil? How about knowing someone that would join in and follow another person down an evil rabbit hole?

Contrary to what we may believe, it is essential to understand that every one of us has the power to be a jerk. But, maybe more importantly, we also have the power to willingly follow someone into an evil universe. Not to minimize the soccer match fan’s behavior, but we have seen much worse throughout history. Good people have made conscious decisions to participate in being evil, committing acts beyond words. In the late 1600s, the group that began the Salem Witch Trial hysteria, resulting in the deaths of 19 people, was so religiously devout to God that they once banned Christmas because it WASN'T Christian enough (3). They even went so far as to fine people that tried to secretly celebrate or even skip work or school on December 25th. Fast forward to Germany, beginning in the 1920s. We all are more than familiar with the rise of the Third Reich. Starting as the National Socialist German Workers' Party (Nazis for short), a small group of evil people convinced many in their own country that murdering their neighbors was not only acceptable but necessary. For more of a contemporary example, in 1967, a teacher in Palo Alto, California, who taught a lesson regarding how good people can become evil, was fired and never allowed to teach again after the lesson went south so quickly that students began rioting and physically assaulting other students on campus (4) The lesson took a week before friends became enemies and resorted to violence. During the Rwandan Genocide, nuns and priests actually hacked people to death with machetes (5). Nuns and priests. Even today, we do not need to look further than the January 6th insurrection at our nation's capital.

I know what you are thinking. The soccer match chaos is a far cry from the rise of the Nazis, and you are correct. But we cannot underestimate the power of evil's exponential growth, as the abovementioned examples began with a single person and an idea. The difference between the Rwandan Genocide and the soccer match was that the violence was stopped very early in the latter case. Would the chanting and ensuing violence have grown into a full stadium melee? Would it have grown and continued in future matches? Highly unlikely. But we must recognize that evil always has the potential to scale and that scale is proportional to virtuous people's lack of recognition and resistance. While we do not need to walk around in our daily lives with our heads on a swivel like some crusader for good, we should always be aware that the seed of wrongdoing can be planted and sowed anywhere at any time, and the force multipliers are people like you and me.

Just as we have the capacity for empathy, understanding, and generosity, we also can be horrible to one another. So, what exactly is evil? Dr. Philip Zimbardo, former Chair of the Council of Scienti fic Society Presidents and author of The Lucifer Effect, defines evil as "knowing better, but willingly doing worse" (6). The simplicity of the definition illustrates how evil can sprout up so ordinarily. Because of this, we must resist the power to cave to evil, join in, or ignore it and let it happen. Essentially, knowing better but willingly doing worse. But before we examine evil, let's back up to explore the psychological framework and how people may fall victim to evil.

This framework is referred to as psychological truism. Dr. Zimbardo describes this phenomenon as how "personality and situations interact to generate behavior. People always act within various behavioral contexts and are both products of their different environments and producers of the environments they encounter" (7). The psychologist, Dr. Ervin Staub, holds a similar view. His research led him to the conclusion that "evil arises out of ordinary thinking and ordinary people. Committing acts of evil is the norm, not the exception" (8). Norm, not the exception, is a grim take for sure. Delving deeper, we should also consider what Dr. Hannah Arendt explained as the Banality of Evil. "Viewing evil individuals as exceptions or as monsters is a mistake." She argues that attributes typically applied to evil individuals set them apart from the rest of the human community. "Instead, we should expose these individuals and groups for their very ordinariness. When we realize this, we become more aware that such people are a pervasive, hidden danger in all societies." Evil acts are ordinary and can happen anywhere, committed by anyone.

I want to acknowledge that 'ordinary' does not mean that we shrug our shoulders and act like this is the way things are. It is critical to make one thing clear. Understanding the "why" of evil does not, by any stretch of the imagination, excuse the "what," according to Dr. Zimbardo. This analysis is what he deems as "excusiology." "Those who behave immorally or illegally must still be held responsible and legally accountable for their complicity and crimes. However, in determining the severity of their sentence, we must consider the causational factors of their behavior." So as we dive deeper down this rabbit hole in the final segment of this two-part series, we will examine the types of evil, identify the social processes that grease the slippery slope of evil, and what it means for ourselves, families, and communities. ∎

References

(1) https://www.dailypost.co.uk/news/north-wales-news/scott-torrens-talented-wrexham-chef-6887452

(2) https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/scott-torrens-chester-football-hooligans-5154231

(3) https://www.history.com/news/when-massachusetts-banned-christmas

(4) https://www.lessonplanmovie.com/

(5) https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/nov/21/rwanda-genocide-catholic-church-sorry-for-role-of-priests-and-nuns-in-killings

(6) https://www.azquotes.com/quote/325085

(7) https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0812974441/sociapsychn0f-20

(8) https://awarenow.us/odl

www.awarenessties.us/todd-brown

Dr. Todd Brown is a winner of multiple education awards, including the U.S. Congressional Teacher of the Year Award, U.S. Henry Ford Innovator Award, Education Foundation Innovator of the Year, and Air Force Association STEM Teacher of the Year. Dr. Brown is the creator and founder of the Inspire Project and cocreator of Operation Outbreak, which was named the Reimagine Education Award for Best Hybrid Program in the world. He is also an Education Ambassador for the United Nations and an Educational Ambassador of the Center for Disease Control (CDC).

Genes are chemical followers; it is context that drives our biology and even the expression of our genes.

DR. PAMELA CANTOR FOUNDER & SENIOR SCIENCE ADVISOR, TURNAROUND FOR CHILDREN

DECIDED HEART

TRAUMA IS NOT DESTINY

FOR CHILDREN

After the 9/11 attacks, Dr. Pamela Cantor took action. She thought about all the students attending New York City’s public schools, and felt the urgency to do something. She helped lead a team commissioned by New York City’s Board of Education to get accurate information on how the terrorist attacks impacted the city’s children. What they discovered was surprising.

While 68% of the students reported having experienced signi ficant trauma that impaired their ability to learn sufficiently at school, it wasn’t correlated to the terrorist attacks. Instead, the team discovered that most of these children were negatively impacted because of their ongoing experiences growing up in communities in poverty. As Dr. Cantor and the team dug deeper, they also discovered that schools located in impoverished neighborhoods were functioning without much of the knowledge or capacity to address the psychological and academic needs of their students. As a thought leader on human potential, a physician, and a researcher on the science of learning and development, Dr. Cantor recognized that the research on adversity, and the developing brain, health, and learning that she had learned in medical school had not been translated and shared with most educators and school systems. In 2002, she founded Turnaround for Children to equip schools with that knowledge so they could design learning environments that reveal the talents and skills in all the young people in their care.

To this day, Turnaround for Children is an organization that believes “each and every young person learns and develops in settings intentionally designed for them to thrive.” The organization partners with educators and community leaders to design whole-child learning environments through professional development and resources backed by scientific research. Dr. Cantor wants every person to know that trauma is not destiny. She knows this to be true from her personal experience and resilience through trauma.

When Dr. Cantor was seven years old, she had a series of dreams about dying. She knew why, and she knew that she had to tell her parents. When she shared that she was being molested by her uncle, she heard these words, “No one will hear this ever again. You will not tell anyone that this happened.” Told to keep her horri fic experiences a secret, she began believing she was a bad and ugly human being.

At fifteen years old, Dr. Cantor was a troubled teen. She met with a psychiatrist whom her parents described as the “family’s special friend” in their ongoing quest to keep the abuse she had experienced a secret. This psychiatrist was the first person to change how she saw herself when he told her, “You are a pearl in an oyster.” Those words filled her with hope. Somehow, this person acknowledged her as someone who wasn’t ugly or dumb. Still, she needed proof. The psychiatrist had her assessed. She specifically remembers looking at her brain charts, the data, and the psychiatrist explaining how her brain was capable of brilliance. Dr. Cantor felt a spark.

She earned her bachelor of arts degree in dance from Sarah Lawrence College. Not long afterwards, she walked into her psychiatrist’s office and proclaimed her decision to pursue medical school and become a doctor like him. Her psychiatrist responded, “Of course you will be.”

Not having any courses in math and science, Dr. Cantor took GED-level algebra and chemistry courses at a local community college. She earned A grades in both. Then she enrolled in a post-baccalaureate pre-med program at Columbia University which proudly owned a 70% failure rate. She recalls a speci fic annoyance from her academic advisor there who told her, “You are going to be 40 years old by the time you see your first patient.” Dr. Cantor couldn’t have cared less. She doubled up on chemistry, organic chemistry, biology, physics, and calculus, earned a 3.9 GPA, and applied to twelve medical schools. She was waitlisted at eleven and accepted to one, Cornell University Medical School. At twenty-eight years old, she enrolled.

‘THE

EFFECT’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY SONJA MONTIEL

The night before starting at Cornell, Dr. Cantor lost her voice. It wasn’t laryngitis or a symptom of a bad cold. She was mute, with a severe stress-induced reaction to the pressure of starting medical school. At first, she felt too embarrassed to show up to class. She was the oldest student there and only one of few females. She drove to her psychiatrist, pointed at her throat and wrote on a clipboard, “What is going on here?” He told her, “You still don’t believe that you belong there.”

She knew that she was afraid. Later in her research on learning and development, she learned about the power of stress to biologically shut people down, and make it difficult to take risks. Dr. Cantor remained a fighter, though, and with the support of her trusted relationship with her doctor, that stress began to melt away. She gained the courage to face her fear, relying on her therapist and something she learned were her magical muscles, the response pathways laid down after her experiences with trauma which gave her ability to not only survive her trauma, but also surmount them and succeed. Early the next morning, she grabbed a clipboard and wrote, “I am Pam and I don’t have a voice today,” and set off for school. Classmates introduced themselves by writing their names on her clipboard, and never made her feel embarrassed. Her voice returned, as her therapist had predicted, in under two weeks.

Through medical school, Dr. Cantor learned about the biology of trust and belonging as she recalls, “I learned how we love, how we attach, how we nurture, how we become conscious of ourselves, how we heal.” Studying genes, she discovered that they are “little packages of protein covered with receptors that are triggered into action by the environments and relationships in our lives. Genes are chemical followers; it is context that drives our biology and even the expression of our genes.”

When looking closely at context – the experiences, environments and relationships in our lives – we come to one understanding: that the risks and opportunities in development and learning does not separate nature and nurture, biology and environment, brain and behavior. There is only a collaboration between them.

The knowledge that exists, were it to be applied fully, means that all of the environments in which children grow and learn can provide the safety and belonging, relationships, and rich instructional experiences that will drive our personal growth and allow us to reach for our dreams. As Dr. Cantor likes to point out, “the human brain is an amazingly dynamic, living structure that can change and grow, recover and be resilient in the face of trauma over time.” We know that the human brain is malleable and will grow in response to the experiences and opportunities it is exposed to.

Here are a few of Dr. Cantor’s considerations when thinking about trauma and our classrooms:

• When you don’t believe you are worthy of something, it’s likely because you don’t believe you belong.

• Trust is the antidote to stress.

• Belonging is the most powerful antidote to things like fear, including the fear of being seen as an imposter.

• Increasing the hormone oxytocin, produced only through human connection like trust, love, safety and belonging, sets up conditions of curiosity and exploration.

• Igniting curiosity in our brains triggers helpful neurotransmitters called dopamine.

• The perfect cocktail in a classroom is to design learning that releases oxytocin and triggers dopamine.

• The effects of trauma are reversible.

“The human brain is an amazingly dynamic, living structure that can change and grow, recover and be resilient in the face of trauma over time.”

TRAUMA IS NOT DESTINY

Dr. Cantor wants each of us to think about the choice we have when it comes to education. Knowing what we know from the science of learning and development, and how that can be applied to every classroom, do we have the will or determination to design and build learning settings that bene fit every single child? Dr. Cantor hopes that we respond with a committed yes. ∎

About Dr. Pamela Cantor

Dr. Cantor has shared her insights at convenings across the United States, including the ASU + GSV Summit, Aurora Institute Symposium, Aspen Ideas Festival, Carnegie Corporation/National PTA/American Federation of Teachers Town Hall, CCSSO Summer Leadership Conference, Deeper Learning Symposium, Education Writers Association National Seminar, ExcelinEd EdPalooza, Learning and the Brain Conference, NASBE, and SXSWedu. Her work has been highlighted in The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, The Atlantic, The Washington Post, on NOVA, NBC News, and on National Public Radio. She is a featured contributor to Edutopia’s How Learning Happens series which has been viewed more than 15 million times, and to the film A Trusted Space.

Dr. Cantor is a governing partner of the Science of Learning and Development Alliance, a collaborative effort focused on elevating science, advancing equity, and transforming education. She received an M.D. from Cornell University, a B.A. from Sarah Lawrence College, and was a Visiting Scholar at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. More about Dr. Cantor: https://linktr.ee/drpamelacantor

SONJA

Co-Founder of The Decided Heart Effect

www.awarenessties.us/sonja-montiel

SONJA MONTIEL has served more than twenty-one years in the college admissions profession, having extensive experience in the areas of freshman, transfer, and international admissions. During her time working with thousands of teens and young adults worldwide, she began to witness many societies creating an unhealthy college-bound culture that misguides our young people in their pursuit of living a life of ful fillment. In 2021, Sonja met Hilary Bilbrey to begin something amazing. They created The DH Effect – The Decided Heart Effect with a mission to guide individuals, schools, and organizations to build high-trust relationships and belonging through self-discovery and personal accountability.

WE ARE ALL DAYDREAMERS

TUNING OUT & TUNING IN

Daydreaming is spending time thinking pleasant thoughts about something you would prefer to be doing or something you would like to achieve in the future.

Daydreaming used to be thought of as stuff of “losers” and “slackers”. However recently thoughts have shifted. Daydreaming is now known to be a natural, healthy resting state of the brain.

It’s not about escaping your world. It’s about reimagining and then remodeling your world into something new.

The pandemic brought around a big question for most of us. Do you work to live or live to work?

Some parts of Europe and the USA have very different perspectives on the way a work day looks. Cities vs living in the country can also have a different perspective. Spain is known for its siesta, having a long break in the afternoon, often associated with sleeping or having time out with your family for a long lunch. Both of these breaks allow the brain and mind to rest. Some people use Sundays as their rest day, but many still work.

Nowadays the world is basically 24/7 with phones, social media, online shopping, being able to contact friends and family whenever, wherever we are, there are many aspects that prevent us from truly having a break even when we aren’t working.

What would it feel like if we stopped? If we didn’t allow the world to continue to run with us in it? What if we stopped it ourselves?

That’s what daydreaming is. Imagine stopping your brain and giving it a mini siesta during the day. This can even be attainable for the everyday person who has outside forces that influence their schedule. Daydreaming doesn’t have to be a huge chunk of time. Even 5 minutes can make all the difference. That could be sitting, having a coffee, and just taking a personal moment to imagine and dream. The daydream doesn’t have to be something grand either, it is more about the mental pause.

Rest can quickly become a neglected priority in our busy lives. A perfect world is spending one day a week unplugging from work, technology and other responsibilities, but if that’s not tangibly possible, then mini breaks in the day are a good achievable alternative.

If you have a young child requiring constant attention, finding time to daydream might seem unattainable, but it’s about finding a sense of peace and joy in whatever stillness you have in your schedule if you can’t create new time to pause. This could be as small as redirecting some of those thoughts of “What do I still need to do today?” while your child is napping, letting your mind wander for just a few minutes to imagine something amazing that you dream about, whether that’s actually finishing your coffee before it goes cold or imagining a dream trip.

“Daydreaming heals the heart, soothes the soul and strengthens the imagination.”

- Richelle Goodrich

‘MEDICINE WITH WORDS’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN

WE ARE ALL DAYDREAMERS

Once you’ve carved out the time to daydream, what happens if you find your daydreams practically unattainable? Maybe you dream of walking on the moon, but have a fear of flying? You could try to push through that fear if you’re able, or you could think outside of the box. Buy books, do the research, find a different way to attain what you are seeking. Nowadays there is technology with VR headsets. Maybe you walk on the moon virtually! Or sometimes a day dream can be just that, a dream, a place you choose to go to just to take a mental rest and imagine something new. The goal of daydreaming is to empower healthy rest and potential shifts to your life, not to discourage you from something deemed impossible given your circumstances. Focus on the positives and realistic ways to live your dreams or just be happy to be in those moments of rest, joy and peace.

The Benefits of Daydreaming:

- Reduces stress and anxiety

- Improves your creativity

- Improves your physical and mental health

- Gives your brain a rest

- Helps you visualize and realize your goals

So try and find that place. Tune out the outside world and allow your brain to flow freely. See what happens when you allow yourself this time out. It may or may not end with that daydream coming to practical fruition every time, but you’ll always be mentally stronger for it when you allow yourself that creative rest. Embrace the daydream. ∎

ELIZABETH BLAKE-THOMAS

Storyteller, Philanthropist & Official Ambassador for Human Trafficking Awareness

www.awarenessties.us/elizabethblakethomas

Elizabeth Blake-Thomas is a British award-winning storyteller and philanthropist based in Los Angeles. She is the founder and resident director of entertainment company Mother & Daughter Entertainment, whose motto is “Making Content That Matters”, putting focus on each project starting a conversation amongst viewers. She is also the creator of the healing methodology Medicine with Words which is designed to help “spring clean” your mind and help free yourself from unnecessary noise so that you can live a more purposeful, peaceful life. She is the author of Filmmaking Without Fear which is a multi-medium resource curated for indie filmmakers. Her FWF podcast is available on all streaming platforms, and the book of the same name is available on Amazon. She is a regular on panels at Sundance, Cannes and Toronto International Film Festival, Elizabeth mentors wherever possible, ensuring she sends the elevator back down to all other female storytellers.

I feel driven to find how I can best use what capacities and skills I have to do what I can to push for change that brings us humans who have forgotten, back in alignment and connection with nature.

ZOË MILLER

FOUNDER & DIRECTOR OF BB PADS AT BB PADS

BLOODY BRILLIANT A CONVERSATION WITH ZOË MILLER

Zoë Miller is a young entrepreneur. In 2020, after becoming aware of the immense environmental damage being done by the production and disposal of conventional period care products she founded BB Pads — a line of sustainable, plastic-free, biodegradable, reusable period pads.

TANITH: Zoë you started your BB pads projects in 2020 whilst in Thailand. What were doing over there?

ZOË: I was born in Thailand and was there for the first six months of my life when I was a baby as my mum and dad were living and working there as journalists. Sadly I don’t have a single memory of this of course but I have always felt a strong pull from, and connection with my birthplace. My dad later moved back to Bangkok to live and work there again and in January 2020, just before Covid, I went out there to join him and worked for several months doing research and drafting reports with a small women-led human rights organisation in Bangkok. I then travelled to a town called Mae Sot on the Thailand-Burma border where I brie fly did some voluntary work with an organisation called FilmAid/Sermpanya Foundation who provide psycho-social relief and education through open-air film screenings and film-making trainings in the refugee camps there.

TANITH: Where did the idea for BB pads come from and how did you bring it to life?

ZOË: It was in Mae Sot that I came across the Borderline Collective, a women’s collective that produces beautiful handmade products from organic cotton and plant-based dyes. I also found a textile company in Bangkok that produces incredible fabric blends with pineapple, hemp, galangal, kapok, lotus and banana fibres. The director of the company, Khun Bandid, invited me to their production house and spent hours with me enthusiastically and kindly showing me all of their wonderful textiles and explaining to me the properties and bene fits of each. He put me in contact with Khun Venus who manages a small family-run factory on the outskirts of Bangkok which I went to visit and is where BB Pads batch one was made. I also had been becoming increasingly aware of and passionate about issues surrounding plastic pollution, climate change, water contamination, waste and circular design. I had started using the Moon-Cup which I loved but was using it alongside single-use disposable pads and pantyliners and most reusable pads on the market were made using synthetic fabrics with plastic fibres. When Covid struck, lockdown meant I had more time to think, reflect and develop ideas and I guess I sort of wove all these things together and set about sketching out some basic designs! I had to go back to London towards the end of 2020 and so a lot of the logistics and development took place through extensive back and forth email communication. I won a competition for start-ups that I stumbled across on Instagram which helped me enormously with website, branding, and business support and advice. Everyone was so incredibly helpful and enthusiastic about what I was trying to do and doors kept on opening unexpectedly which made me feel like I was going down the right path. I am so incredibly grateful to all those who have supported me with BB Pads along the way – especially my dad who let me take over his kitchen for extended periods of time to experiment with fake blood on fabric swatches and my mum who puts up with hundreds of period pads in boxes in her front room!

‘GLOBAL GOOD’ EXCLUSIVE COLUMN BY TANITH HARDING

TANITH: BB Pads are 100% plastic-free, harmful-chemical-free, reusable, home-compostable period pads how have you managed to achieve this?

ZOË: All of the fabrics used are non-synthetic. The top layer of each pad that comes into contact with your body is unbleached, undyed, certified organic cotton. The bottom, patterned layer of fabric on every pad, that sits against your underwear, is also organic cotton and dyed with non-synthetic dyes. There are five different pad types with different levels of absorbency and different combinations of fabrics including TENCEL which is an extremely absorbent and breatheable fabric made from sustainably sourced beech-wood pulp and uses close-loop technology meaning that the non-toxic solvents are recycled so there is minimal waste and impact on the environment; a pineapple fibre blend which is naturally anti-bacterial; a galangal blend which is also anti-bacterial; a hemp blend which is a very sustainable crop compared with cotton; and a kapok fibre blend which is the penultimate layer in every pad as it is naturally hydrophobic so helps to prevent leakage. Because they don’t contain any synthetic fabrics when you wash the pads they don’t release any microplastics into the water system. There’s lots more information about the materials used in the pads on the website if you want to learn more! It depends on how often you use them, how heavy your period is and how you take care of them but BB Pads are designed to last at least three to five years and so end up saving a lot of money. When they do eventually reach the end of their lives they can be chopped up and composted.

TANITH: Ten percent of your profits go to the Pachamama Project in Lebanon and Greece. Tell us about the project?

ZOË: The Pachamama Project is a volunteer-run, non-profit organisation growing a network of volunteers to fight against period poverty by making reusable period pads for refugees in Lebanon and Greece. The project was set up by twenty-one-year-old Bristol University student, Ella Lambert, during the first UK Covid lockdown and is in collaboration with a female empowerment group based in Beirut called WingWoman that employs Syrian and Palestinian women to make affordable reusable pads.

TANITH: In addition to BB pads you also do outreach talks in schools around climate change and circular economywhat is the key message

ZOË: Yes, I’ve been doing some talks to groups of GCSE-level students at local schools which centre around BB Pads’ main purpose: reducing and reimagining waste, material consumption and energy throughput and rethinking our relationship with plastic. I talk about different definitions of “sustainability”, greenwashing, circular economy, zerowaste systems, plastic pollution, microplastics, why recycling is good but not the answer as well as period poverty and the stigmas and taboos around menstruation and how that impacts gender equity and social and environmental justice. Students are always pretty alarmed to learn that on average, people in the UK are consuming 5g of plastic through diet and drinking water every week, the equivalent of a credit card; that the average menstruator in the UK uses between 11,000 and 16,000 plastic-infused, disposable period products over their lifetime; and that on average, in the UK, 4.8 pieces of menstrual waste are found per 100 metres of breach. I end the talk with a quote from author Alice Walker that I love: “The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

TANITH: What is next for you and what changes would you like to see happen in the world?

ZOE: At the moment I’m studying part-time for a MSc in Environment, Politics, Development at SOAS University in London, I am also working in a local restaurant, doing a Horticulture course at a local community garden and am involved in the Degrowth London Group, so am pretty busy with stuff running alongside BB Pads. Hopefully within the year I will be able to develop BB Pads some more and to trial out new fabrics for batch number two! I’m not sure what’s next for me yet but I have a real hunger to learn and am constantly trying to educate myself, through unlearning and relearning, about all things related to the climate emergency we are currently facing. I often feel extremely depressed by the lack of sufficient change, progress and action taking place to save our planet and life on it from the very worst impacts of climate change and the feelings of sadness, anger and grief about what has already been lost are sometimes overwhelming, but I always remind myself that there are a hell of a lot of people giving so much of their energy, time and love to fight tooth and nail to protect what’s left. I feel driven to find how I can best use what capacities and skills I have to do what I can to push for change that brings us humans who have forgotten, back in alignment and connection with nature. ∎

www.awarenessties.us/tanith-harding

Tanith is leading change management through commitment to the RoundTable Global Three Global Goals of: Educational Reform, Environmental Rejuvenation & Empowerment for All. She delivers innovative and transformational leadership and development programmes in over 30 different countries and is also lead on the international development of philanthropic programmes and projects. This includes working with a growing team of extraordinary Global Change Ambassadors and putting together the Global Youth Awards which celebrate the amazing things our young people are doing to change the world.

Artists For Trauma supports and celebrates survivors, thrivers and difference makers through art and medical collaboration.